There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures paul allows
>to live.
>Pauls arsehole is so tight he can sharpen pencils with it
>
>When paul goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
>requests a hand gun and a bucket.
>
>paul is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
>
>paul is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
>lactose's jobby.
>
>You are what you eat. That is why paul's diet consists entirely of
>bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
>
>paul can divide by zero.
>
>The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an
>immovable object" was finally solved when paul punched himself in the
>face.
>
>paul invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of
>visible light. Except pink. Peter Lovenkrands invented pink.
>
>paul doesn't read books. He stares them
>down until he gets the information he wants.
>
>If you ask paul what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
>After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he Brutally stamps you in the face.
>
>paul uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
>
>Since 1990, the year paul was born, Brutally stamping related deaths
>have increased 13,000 percent.
>
>There are no disabled people. Only people who have met paul.
>
>It was once believed that paul actually lost a fight to a pirate, but
>that is a lie, created by paul himself to lure more pirates to him.
>
>paul once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a gaelic football
>game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him
>kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. paul the baby 60 yards
>through the uprights and then proceeded to bang
>every girl in the stadium.
>
>When paul's wife burned the turkey one Christmas, paul said, "Don't
>worry about it darlin'," and went into his backyard. He came back five
>minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
>few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
>his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a brutal stamping to the
>face and said, "Never question paul."
>
>Those aren't credits that roll after Scotsport SPL ; it is actually a list
>of people that paul brutally stamped in the face that day.
>
>paul once brutally stamped on someone so hard that his foot broke the
>speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
>flying over the Pacific Ocean.
>
>paul does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
>
>Rather than being birthed like a normal
>child, paul instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.
>Shortly thereafter he penned the word to the Soldiers Song in Irish then
>English (So the cunts knew what he was on about).
>
>paul built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
>assassination. As Oswald shot, paul met all three bullets with his tadger,
>deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
>
>paul sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
>unparalleled football ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
>paul stamped the devil in the face and took his soul back. The
>devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have
>seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
>
>A man once asked paul if his real name is "pauline". paul did not
>respond, he simply stared at him
>until he exploded.
>
>paul recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We
>know this beverage as Red Bull.
>
>paul can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
>"bejesus".
>
>paul does not sleep. He waits.
>
>paul once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
>"Bang!"
>
>The chief export of paul is pain.
>
>After much debate, Pres