As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!(this is a classic)
2. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
3. Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
4. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
5. Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more?
6. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
7. Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
8. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?(THIS IS THE CREAM DE LA CREAM my personal favourite)
9. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
10. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
11. I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince
12. Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
13. Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
14. For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
15. Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
16. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
17. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
18. Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
19. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk"(good one as well)
20. Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor
21. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."
22. I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
23. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
24. I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!
25. If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"
26. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
27. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
28. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
29. Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
30. I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot..... (expect a slap)
31. Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
32. Say, did we go to different schools together?
33. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
34. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
35. Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving." (The key is to act like you know them.)......(i use this one alot)
36. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
37. You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.
38. Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes? (female version)
or
Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers? (male version)
39. You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.
40. (thanks for this one aud....)"u must have bin brought up on a chicken farm......because ur pretty god at raising cocks

“Seán Óg Ó’Hailpín…. his father’s from Fermanagh, his mother’s from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold”

“… and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times’ Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said ‘I suppose ye wouldn’t have the Kerryman would ye?’ To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said ‘do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?’… he had both…so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet…”

“Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers”

“I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion.”

“Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar.This man shouldn’t be playing football. He’s made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn’t kick points like Colin Corkery.

“1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that’s level scores in any man’s language”.

“Pat Fox has it on his hurley and is motoring well now … but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail …… I’ve seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!”

“I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae.”

“Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy”

“Danny “The Yank” Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn’t he done well”

“He grabs the slíotar, he’s on the 50……he’s on the 40……he’s on the 30……………………..he’s on the ground”

“In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball”.

“He kicks the ball ard san aer, could’ve been a goal, could’ve been a point………….it went wide.”

“Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly….Stephen, one of 12……all but one are here to-day, the one that’s missing is Mary, she’s at home minding the house…..and the ball is dropping i lár na bpáirce….”

“Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide….. and the dog lost as well”

“Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation

I LOVE This Song!
= I KNOW This Song!

Dude, all the chicks at this party are ugly
= Dude, none of the chicks at this party will talk to me.

Man, I’m hungry
= Man, if I don’t eat right now I am going to be puking all over this bar…again.

You’re really pretty
= I’m going to be really ashamed of it tomorrow but tonight is all about instant gratification, honey.

Want to watch a movie?
= Want to come over to my room for some extremely creepy back rubbing and some equally disturbing neck-nibbling?

I’m soooooooo drunk (said by a girl)
= I’m excusing myself from any blame for my actions tonight.
(or)
= I'm sooooooooo horny

I just, like, want to help animals, ya know?
= I just, like, want to get in your pants, ya know?

You’re my best friend... man!
= You’re my only friend in arm’s reach right now and I need someone to pay for this shot, man.

I don’t want to ruin the friendship
= You’re a nice girl but you’re very heavy and I’d rather pretend I value our friendship than spend tomorrow dreaming up ways to kill myself.

This is the BEST night of my LIFE!
= This is the BEST night of my WEEKEND!

Let’s take a walk, this bar is crowded
= I prefer my handjobs outdoors.

I’m totally fine
= I’m totally going to be needing a toilet or bucket in about five minutes

What’s up, Bro?
= What’s up, guy-who’s-name-I-can’t-ever-remember?

Hey, did you get the notes from Bio?
= Hey, I’m going to ask you about class because I’m too scared to ask you out.

I had, like, ten beers before I even came out
= I'm, like, the kind of guy that lies about how much I drink.

So whose round is it?
= PLEASE DON'T BE MINE PLEASE DON'T BE MINE PLEASE DON'T BE MINE
(or)
= I'm out of money and need someone to buy me drink

I can't believe you're drunk already!
= I've been milking a Miller Lite all night while you've been downing Whiskey Sours.

C'mon, she has nice big tits
= She may well indeed be horrendously fat and I'll take a lot of shit for this tomorrow but I'm going to make petty justifications to satisfy my lust monkey.

Man, check her out.
= I'm way too intoxicated to tell if she's attractive or if she's a three-toed sloth. Your reaction should be helpful in deciding which she is.

She has pretty eyes.
= See "She has big tits"

This place is shit. Let's go
= I have tried for 45 minutes and can not find a woman I want to have sex with.
(or)
= I got shot down by a couple girls over there and want to leave before they tell every woman in here about my half assed drunken attempts.

The crowd was really bad
= I was the best looking person there

The crowd was really snobby.
= I was the ugliest person there

Yeah, all bouncers suck.
= I'm too ugly/drunk/both to get in anywhere

that girl is totally eyeing me
= she glanced and looked away in revulsion

dude, this girl was totally in to me
= she gave me a fake name and left

That fat chick is kinda cute...
= Take my keys away immediately; I am in no condition to be driving tonight.

What are you drinking?
= There is no more beer left. Make me one of those.