If you can start the day without caffeine, if you can get along without pep pills, if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, if you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, though no fault of yours, something goes wrong.

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, if you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him/her, if you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.

If you can face the world without lies and deceit, if you can conquer tension without medical help, if you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,

Then, my friend, you are ALMOST as good as your dog.

~Linda Gentille

1 . Tell her she is beautiful (not fine, or sexy)
2 . Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
6 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
7 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
8 . Write her notes. (she loves them)
9 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.
10 . Play with her hair.
11 . Pick her up, tickle her, and play-wrestle with her.
12 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
13 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes.
14 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
15 . If she's mad at you, kiss her.
16 . Give her piggyback rides.
17 . Bring her flowers
18 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
19 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
20 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
21 . Kiss her in the rain.
22 . If your in love with her . . . tell her
23. If she kicks and screams when your having a fight, hold her tight and don't let go...no matter what

Rule of the Universe #413: One should never buy anything unless they are prepared to fail with it.

This rule is applicable to the purchase of Scooters, because it is unpreventable that at some point, you will fail with your Scooter. Scooters, it would seem, are especially vulnerable to fail, and will do so at any time. Cold mornings when you are already running late for work are a prime Scooter-fail zone!

Once said Scooter has failed, the owner will come to realize that, no matter what they do, they will only make it worse. Anyone else who touches the Scooter, however, will instantly succeed at reversing the fail. People who have never even ridden a Scooter before are exceptional at reversing said fail (Henceforth known as the Scooter-noob). The actual owner of the Scooter will only waste valuable time and energy attempting to fix it themselves.

Also, once a kick-start is required, the owner will find it difficult to even get the scooter to stay still whilst administering the kick-start! Again, this is a handy time to bring in that reverse-fail charm, the Scooter-noob! Scooter-noob will almost instantly, without fail, kick-start your beloved Scooter back to life, and the owner will have nothing but sore thigh muscles and a bruised shin to account for all their hard work.

So, young nooblets, take heed of this warning and remember:
Your Scooter will fail, and there's nothing you can do about it!

Enjoy.

-- Procrastination at it's best --