1. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
2. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
3. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
4. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
5. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
6. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
7. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
8. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
10. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
11. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
12. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
13. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
14. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
15. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
16. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
17. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
18. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
19. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
20. chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
23. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
24.The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
25. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
26. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
27.There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
28.The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

29.Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.
30.Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.