hey brisc and others this is to put down the good times we have had over the years so we won't forget them i'll start



remember the gauntlet and how i hurt my heel
and the time we snuck u out on sports day with a forged note and u got us all shit to drink

• Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

• Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

• TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

• After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

• Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.

• "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

• Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

• When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

• Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

• In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.

• Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.

• They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

• There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

• When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.

• One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

• Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

• Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

• Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

• The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

• Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

• The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

• Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

• Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

• The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

• When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

• Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

• According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

• Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

• Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

• The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

• Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

• Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

• Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

• Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

• They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

• Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thum

• In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris. (New!)
• Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
• Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
• Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
• A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
• Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
• Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
• Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.