Q. Why don't they have Christmas at DCU?
A. They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Carlow campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a BESS bird does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What does a UCD student call a Trinity student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at DIT Kevin Street burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't coloured-in yet.

Q. Why do UCD graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a IT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. What do tornadoes and Arts graduates have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How many Athlone IT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None - Westmeath looks better in the dark.

Q. How many Trinity students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

Q. How many UCD students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two - One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any TCD student.

Q. How many NUI Maynooth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three - One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead UCC student in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. If you see a DIT student on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q What do you have when 100 Arts students are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do Science students use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. You are trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a UCC student. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the UCC student...twice.

Q: What do u call a LIT student in a suit?
A: The Defendant

Q:What do u call a UL graduate in a suit?
A: The LIT student's lawyer

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in
hospital.

****

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

****

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?

She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.

****

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A manx cat.

****

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

****

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

****

Why do women fake 0rgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

****

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house"

The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit"

****

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
off.

****
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A terrible tragedy. Even lawyers have families, friends, and loved ones that will miss them from this suspicious drowning

****

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

I can't say I like it too much myself. Are the beboers suggesting I'm only half a being, inadequate and unfulfilled? Pah! who needs another half, I'm the full two halves on my own I tell you!! Hmm that sounded slightly big-headed, just slightly. Oh yeah-BELGIUM!