If you ask Charlie Taylor what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in
the face.

If you can see Charlie Taylor, he can see you. If you can't see
Charlie Taylor you may be only seconds away from death.

Since 1989, the year Charlie Taylor was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

It as once believed that Charlie Taylor actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Charlie Taylor himself to lure more pirates to him.

When Charlie Taylors wife burned the turkey one Christmas, Charlie
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Charlie Taylor”

Charlie Taylor's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Charlie Taylor smile, but only 2 to
make him destroy an orphanage.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Charlie Taylor allows to live.

Charlie Taylor has two speeds: walk and kill.

Charlie Taylor can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Charlie Taylor could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Charlie Taylor is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.

Charlie Taylor can divide by zero.

Charlie Taylor sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks
and unparalleled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction
was finalized, Charlie Taylor kicked the devil in the face
and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad
and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Charlie Taylor if his real name is "Ash Lane". Charlie Taylor did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Charlie Taylor can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya!".

Charlie Taylor does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Charlie Taylor is pain.

Charlie Taylor often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Charlie Taylor is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law" and "Order" are
trademarked names for his left and right fists.

They're all true....

1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.

2. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David
Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

3. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

4. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

5. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the f**k down.

6. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

7. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those
listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching
him.

8. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up
with lactose's sh1t.

9. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

10. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

11. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.

12.The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an
immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself
in the face.

chaztheconkera@hotmail.com