Is the ref going to finally blow his whistle?... No, he's going to blow his nose!" - Radio Kilkenny commentator

"It’s all over... Clare are... Jeeeesus !!" - Matthew McMahon, Clare FM (at the end of the Munster Final 1995)

"The cigarettes are being lit here in the Commentary Box. The lads are getting anxious. It’s a line ball down there to Clare and who is to take it?... Will ye put 'em out lads! Ye'll choke me." - Matthew McMahon, Clare FM (During the 1995 hurling All-Ireland)

" Ollie Murphy is after throwing so many dummies, you would'nt see the likes in a creche " - Kevin Mallon on n LM/FM local radio

‘And it looks like there’s a bit of a schemozzle in the parallellogram” – A favourite euphemism of Mícheál O’Hehir’s

‘And Tom Cheasty breaks through with Kilkenny defenders falling around him like dying wasps’ – the legendary Mícheál O’Hehir

From the great Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh:

“And Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have ‘The Kerryman would ye?' To which the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'Do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?'... He had both... So I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet..."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner Street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them. The priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciarán Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion."

Colin Corkery on the ‘45’ lets go with the right boot. It’s over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

"1-5 to 0-8… Well, from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language".

"Pat Fox has it on his hurley and is motoring well now ... But here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail ... I've seen it all now - a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tay company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tay."

"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny "The Yank" Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well"

"He grabs the sliothar, he's on the 50...... He's on the 40...... He's on the 30...... He's on the ground"

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".

"He kicks the ball ard san aer. Could've been a goal. Could've been a point.... It went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly... Stephen, one of twelve ... All but one are here to-day. The one that's missing is Mary. She's at home minding the house… And the ball is dropping i lár na páirce...."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar. I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal. The dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide… And the dog lost as well.”

"Sean Óg Ó hAilpín.... His father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji - neither a hurling stronghold

"Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "

Equally famous, but in his own part of the world, a man called Eddie Moroney commentated on video for his local club in Aherlow, County Tipperary:

“That referee must have no wipers on his glasses!”

“And it’s in the back of the net, but there’s a free out to be taken by I

You know You're A GAA Shaper When...
You wear white boots
You are the only guy with tanned legs on the team in April
You put gel in your hair before the game
You have bleached hair or a ponytail
You have to get a hair cut before every match
You wear your collar up to your ears
You have at least one life threatening injury per game
You hang around outside the dressing room after a match (still togged out) looking for people to tell you how well you played
You warm up looking into the crowd
You wear the latest range in thigh supports, knee bandages, etc when in reality there's shag all wrong with you.
You sulk every time you lose, you blame the pitch, the wind, the sun, the ball etc if you miss a chance (above all it was not your fault), you complain that the backs never play good ball to you (you are always a forward becuase they score (backs get no glory), probably wing or corner (because you can pick up a handy score there and also wave to the crowd)) and if the selectors knew anything (which they don't) they would make you captain.
You insist on making yourself available for 2 championship matches on the same day
You threaten to quit the team cause the manager won't pick your brother
You wear your jersey over your togs and spend ages neatly fixing your socks before the game
You make your own speech in the dressing room after the captain and mentors have made their speeches
You (if you're a goalie) let in two soft goals...one dropped out of your hand....and you complain of a shoulder injury when trying to puck out the next couple of balls.
You wear white boots,white socks a white helmet with a white club jersey.
You walk to the dressing room at half time,while everyone else ran,take off your helmet and start fixing up your hair before you reach the sideline.
You have something written on the bos of your hurley and showing in the team photograph before the game.
once a game, you get shouldered straight in the face and are flattened, by a player who just ran forty yards to get ya
Come to think of it, a tan at any time of the year
You keep running for 20-30 yards after getting a score even though you are about 5 yards from your position.
Stick out the chest (PJ O Connell style) while walking over to hit a sideline/take a free.
Your wearing the most expensive boots on the market and you're the sub goalie.
When you are looking to take all the free's back as far as your own halfback line
When you wear shorts different from the rest of the team
When you have to have the longest shorts on the field
When you wear county togs instead of club togs (even if you just swopped for them or bought them)
When you save your best for those long lunging stretches in front of the crowd
When you have a different county or college jersey every time you go training, with a number on the back.
When you insist on wearing such jerseys over a long-sleeved top during the cold months.

No. Name - Nickname
2. Kieran McClearn - Mongo
3. Vinny Sellars - Vin Diesel
5. Gavin Kavanagh - GavKav
7. Michael Quigley - Goosed
10. Adrian Loughnane - Knucks
11. Thomas Faherty - Tom Barna
13. Thomas Walsh - Hot Tomo
23. Shane Leybourne - Shano
33. Stephen Madden - No Hope
66. Fergus Kelly - Pervus
69. Enda Quigley - Shaggy
77. Keith McClearn - Bono
81. Lee Hogan - First To Fall
88. Mike Monaghan - M&M
666. David Corrigan - Naz