Well as usual, I am doing this when I should be doing something else. This something else is a Linguistics assignment, which I am not overly confident with - but to be fair shouldn't take too long. So instead, I am up late on the last night of holidays, copying music to my computer and writing this damned blog. I really thought I'd have more time to write one this year. I had planned to write one on Christchurch, and I went so far to have written a couple of paragraphs. It was pure, unadulterated crap. It pretty much proved to me that I lost my touch. Although I still have a real knack for writing in a rambling fashion, much like I am doing now. It has been a strangely uneventful few months. Nothing of real substance has changed in my life in nearly 3 months now. It is a rather depressing thought to be honest, that despite my movements towards things happening, I seem to have little control over what actually does take place. And I realise it's a very roundabout way to say a very simple thing, but I've never been one for having simple, succinct explanations!

Also, normally I'd give a reason for writing a blog such as this, but to be honest, I don't have one. What I do know is that I am in that space, that space that one only gets every so often. I don't know if I am the only one who gets it, but it wouldn't surprise me either way. To me it's a feeling that gravity has entirely deserted me; my back is being pulled up off the chair on which I'm sitting. It only happens in the very creative stages. Not saying that I am excessively creative at the moment - this is certainly proof of that statement being in the negative. I think, though, that if there was inspiration, that little spark of absolutely anything, now would be the perfect time for it to come along. It has been a long time coming, though. The last real lyrical and literary inspiration I had was a random encounter in Dunedin at New Years, 2005 - not that that was a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. I said the same thing at the same time nearly 18 months ago I think, and it is still very true, I need a muse. It needn't be a person, or anything animate, not even tangible. Just something.

I’m not overly happy with this. I will still post it, but I could do much better. Thus, I need to find something to write about. I can actually sum up everything I’ve said in these 500-odd words by that last sentence – I need to find something to write about! I really am a rambler, in the first degree.

Merci beaucoup, mes amis
Cameron

Well I am very slack, aren't I! It's taken so long for me to get back to these damn networking sites, I seem to have missed out on so much, without doing much of substance really! I'm in somewhat the same position as when I wrote my first blog here - a little disillusioned, seeking some sort of medium for my thoughts, rather than all you patient people out there who listen to my crazed ramblings. I am sitting here, listening to Keb' Mo' - a real gem, found him just recently, modern bluesman but with a real classic feel - and looking back over my year, and especially my resolutions from last year. So let us look at them, see how I did.
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THE OVERHAUL
Resolution I - Have an outlet for my thoughts

I've never kept a diary, and would never know how to be honest. But this blog is going to be the closest thing I'll have. I don't really care if no-ones interested, it's mainly for myself, my sanity more than anything! A few events recently have shown me more and more that I need somewhere to put down what I'm really feeling; my music can't do it all the time.

Resolution II - Lose weight

Like most of my resolutions, this isn't something that's 'nice' to do, it's something that I really need to do. I might not seem too big, and I guess I'm not, but my weight is beginning to affecting my health. I already have a high risk of heart problems, it's a hereditary thing, and I don't want to make it any worse. It's also buggering up my joints, and anyone who spends any time with me will know how bad they are!! I also want to feel better about myself, and this is one thing that I hope will help.

Resolution III - Put effort into my studies

Again, something I need to do! As shallow and selfish as it may seem, I want to actually be important when I am older. I don't want to be a fat bum with a lot of potential. That's why I actually need to try this year. I know it's going to hard - I know I have the brains to cope with that, but the attitude is the major problem. I have slipped remarkably - from dux at intermediate, to 3 prizes in Year 11, to no academic prizes in my last year. I know it sounds silly, but I was really disappointed in myself, and I really hope to do better at uni!
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THE OVERHAUL

Well, I certainly achieved the general aim. The me of a year ago today was very different to me now. I'm fairly certain it's a positive thing, generally I'm happier, more confident, and I think better. But something in me is longing for the old skills I had which I seem to have lost, be it intentional or not. I can't even narrow down what it is I'm after, but something isn't quite there.

Resolution I - Have an outlet for my thoughts

This I didn't do so well in. There was certainly no regularity with these blogs, like I was hoping. But maybe that's a good thing, I wrote them when I needed/wanted to, and I think they've gone some way to protecting my (in)sanity. Something I plan to transfer this year.

Resolution II - Lose weight

Unfortunately, the opposite happened. I gained 15 kilogrammes this year. I'm told it doesn't look like it, but I can certainly feel it. I know exactly why - because I now have to go to the other side of town even to meet with friends, so do very little walking, and for a period in June-September, I lived off fast food, having lunch at about 5pm, and tea as late as 10 or 11pm! If I can find me an exercising buddy this year, I'll be more than happy to do some light exercise, but generally, I'm quite lazy. Transferring this to this year also.

Resolution III - Put effort into my studies

What I did worst in. Hands down. Unfortunately with discovering good friends, and a social life, I lost all ability to work, and this showed, especially in my second semester results. Not much else to say about it really, so this too,

Well it certainly has been a long time between drinks. Well, not drinks so much. But blogs, certainly. It's one of those weird things, one starts something that he intends to finish very soon, and never actually gets around to. I say 'he' meaning man in general, but it is very much a male thing, it has to be said. I had the general plan for a blog sorted the night of the Steely Dan concert, which I have a feeling much of this will be about. But then again, it could also turn into one about procrastination. It could even be one of my epic rants about nothing in particular. We will just have to wait and see. That's the thing with these blogs of mine. Very rarely do I actually know what's going to be in them. Often I'll start with a vague idea, but this will lead onto random topics. People who read my blog often will find themselves immensely confused, and less secure about their intellect than before.

Anyway, Steely Dan! It was amazing, in a word. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed one event more, and I doubt I ever will! The set was interesting: they did not play any of their big hits, nor anything from their recent albums. Not that I really mind, the stuff they played was fantastic – they even played their eight-minute epic Aja, and basically did it justice, which is certainly a feat, which anyone would admit after listening to the recording. But amazingly, as I am writing this, I am recalling events from nearly three months ago, I feel so slack for taking so long to write another blog. Not that many of you care, I don’t think the readership of this is particularly high. I don’t know if it’s readership that I go for though. I think that this is partially for my own good, the knowledge that if there is a certain topic I feel like expressing then I can, and usually with ease, I get into a rhythm of writing, and it makes it incredibly easy. Not rhythm in the musical sense, but fluency. Only, rhythm describes it better than fluency. This kind of rhythm is what happens when one gets in a pattern, in a flow. It can happen with anything – sport, academia, but especially in the creative arts. In the arts, I believe it is the second most important thing one needs, behind inspiration, mainly because inspiration creates rhythm. One really needs to have it to create anything good. And I realise this because I seem to be lacking it. Even for these blogs, which I seem to be able to rattle off, rambling for days on end. However, this is taking real effort. It makes me thing, what creates rhythm?

I don’t think it’s as simple as just creating it. In my opinion, it’s either there or it isn’t – one can just randomly feel in the mood to write an inopportune moments, and vice versa, one can sit down to write and not get any rhythm at all. It’s the same with anything really. But I think that I am done for writing at the moment. Knowing me I’ll be back on tomorrow writing something else, totally different. But do mull over these thoughts, and as always, please comment, pass on your thoughts!

Also, thanks to everyone who has helped me out with the passing of my nana. It's been a tough few weeks, and I really appreciate the support, and you all know that I'm there for you as well!

Thanks
Cam