A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in South Roscommon and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Roscommon fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Roscommon fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Roscommon fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Roscommon fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Cork fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Cork fan?"

"Because my Mum and Dad are from Cork, and my mum is a Cork fan and my dad is a Cork fan, so I'm a Cork fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Cork fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a Dublin fan."


An Irishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar
in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied
an old Indian sitting in the corner with his tribal gear on, long
white plaits, and an incredibly wrinkled face.

"Who's he?" said the Paddy.

"That's the Memory Man." said the bartender. "He knows everything. He
can remember any fact. Go on, try him out."

So the Irishman goes over, and thinking that he won't know anything
about hurling, asks "Who won the 1996 Munster Semi Final played in the
Gaelic Grounds?"

"Limerick," replies the Memory Man.
"Who did they beat?"
"Clare," was the reply.
"And the score?"
"15 points to 1-13."
"Who scored the winning point?"
"Ciarán Carey," was the old man's reply.

The Irishman was knocked out by this and, when he returned home, Told
all his friends and relatives about the amazing Memory Man.

Five years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the
Impressive Memory Man again. Eventually he found the bar and there,
sitting in the same seat, was the Indian, looking older and even more
wrinkled.

The Irishman was delighted to see him, and, deciding to greet the
Indian in his native tongue, approached him with the greeting "How".

"Solo-run out of the half back line." replied the Memory Man.