drive carefully in the middle of nowhere to AVOID a bust tyre

not a bastard will stop for ye ever even if u hav a flat tyre and r thumbing 4 a lift to get away from maurice, not even a bus full of people bound 4 rannafast, "here comes another bus load 2 the 3 weeks of irish prison, I HOPE THEY HAVE A SHITE TIME!!"

hit maurice with the sledgehammer when u hav the chance, u'll regret it if u dont

"these roads are shite, y would u want 2 come here?!?"

never give maurice a map or u'l end up in the wrong end of donegal!

directions of "straight on round the bend" and "near the statue of mary" in donegal make no sense, as theres a mary every mile!

never ask a pizza place if they do pizzas or else they turn sarcastic (he said they were a strip club by night)

"FUCK THE VIEW, THIS PLACE IS A HOLE!!"

ok all you kids under 18 and with heart problems shouldnt read on cause this story involves sex drugs and rock and roll (dont they all). also note that alot of this is made up to blank out the crap parts and to make it sound more intresting. also that any names are fictional and strike no resembleance to real people even though they do!

so twas friday and i just got rigged out in my flashy WHITE tux, yes white and i went down the road and caught the nearest ulsterbus for free using my bus pass. at arrival at the glenavon nothing happened which was fine and dandy but then a NINJA came along so i got my gun and shot him, it was then i realised it was a robot ninja so i said "screw this" those were my exact words, then i just went inside and forgot about the ninja, something i would later regret.
so in we strutted, cause we know strutting is the best form of walking. in i went and of course didnt get my pic taken cause it was a fiver and i didnt feel like it, and of course every minute or so some "really funny bastard" would come up to me and go "ha hey james bond" so i would laugh along all the while wanting to kill them horribly and brutally with a toothpick. Then they would come up again with a "put makeup on the eye then?" and again i would laugh all the while ready to kill them all!
But just as i had the toothpick sharpened we were told to go to our tables for din dins, so i forgot bout the killing for now cause i was hungry. So in i went to table...cant remember the number lets call it table X, so to table X i went to find to my dismay that everyone had decided to act the tube and have boys at one side and girls at the other, but of course there was 6 boys to the 4 girls, so i had to sit at the girls side, with clowns to the left of me jokers to the right (clowns being sara, jokers being niamh). so then dinner was served and it so wasnt worth £17.50 i even ended up with cream on 1 of my cuffs.
After dinner was done and i ate the cream off my cuffs it was time for disco boogeying but it was not up to much cause there was a distinct lack of ethanol, it being a school event. so the music started and we all knew it was going to be just like a night at the elk but in tux's. so anywho for a while i sat there talking bout bollocks but after a hour or two the shots of water started to take its toll on me and i got bored and a good song came on, i think it was some kind of barn dance lik song cause i remember thinking *hey its a barn dance song*, so barn dance i did, which was followed by the lindi hop, the waltz, some jiving and topped of with some tango most of which i likely did by myself. anyways that somehow manages to sum off 3 hours of non alcohol dancing.
Then 1 o'clock rolled round and everyone scrambled outside to get onto the buses, out we went and no buses were there but only the ROBOT NINJA, straight away he spotted me and ran at me, i scrambled to find my sharpened toothpick which i made earlier, just finding it in time so i stabbed him with it and he laughed as it only ripped his clothes and could not hurt his metal body, but with his clothes ripped off there was a big red button where his belly button should be. so naturally i pushed the button and jumped behind the nearest wall. amazingly the ninja turned into 6, yes 6 BUSES. everyone rejoiced as we jumped on the bus, but after the crap dancing and the button pushing i was poofed and wanted to sleep on the bus, but i couldnt cause people kept poking me.
After i duno like a week of traveling on the bus we reached garvagh, im not a map person and dont have a notion where that is but im told it was near kerry, so after landing in garvagh we got off the bus to be met with the stripping antics of mr kennedy, which we steered clear of and went into the place which i think was called "the cotton club" which cost a fiver in and i got no cotton from. but then it got good cause at the far end of the place was a BAR, with none other than our friend ETHANOL at it, but