When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for John Smeaton.

John Smeaton can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

John Smeaton doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

John Smeaton does not sleep. He waits.

John Smeaton went to the Virgin Islands on holiday. They are now just the Islands

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with John Smeaton.

John Smeaton is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

John Smeaton does not get frostbite. John Smeaton bites frost.

There is no chin behind John Smeaton' beard. There is only another fist.

John Smeaton is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

There is no such thing as global warming. John Smeaton was cold, so he turned the sun up.

John Smeaton doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

John Smeaton gave Mona Lisa that smile.

John Smeaton can slam a revolving door.

John Smeaton is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

when John Smeaton jumps in to a swimming pool he dosent get wet. The water gets John Smeatoned

John Smeaton once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures John Smeaton allows to live.

When John Smeaton was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's John Smeaton!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

When John Smeaton goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects John Smeaton could use to kill you, including the room itself.

John Smeaton can count backwards from infinity.

Crop circles are John's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.

John Smeaton can divide by zero.

In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by John Smeaton, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

John Smeaton is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

John Smeaton has two speeds: walk and kill.

John Smeaton is the reason why Wally is hiding.

John Smeaton can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.....at night.

You are what you eat. That is why John Smeaton diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

John Smeaton once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

John Smeaton played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you were to lock John Smeaton in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this John Smeaton replied "Because Grammys are for queers." Then he'd eat a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

On his birthday, John Smeaton randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When John Smeaton does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down!

Whenever John Smeaton puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

John Smeaton invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light......except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

John Smeaton coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

John Smeaton haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.


O John of Smeaton
When will we see your like again
That fought and panned in
two al qaeda men
And stood against him
Osama’s army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again

The airport’s bare now
An

Everything you said to me, was out of order
But i think i'll sleep it off
Everything you've done to me, was out of order
But i think i'll sleep it off

I'm gettin' tierd of falling asleep
These lines are no good, They're making me weak
I'm gettin' tierd of falling for you
You're running out all of my time....

These should be the good times!
These should be the good times!

Every time i look at you i think of leaving
Leaving you behind
Every time i think of you, i think of leaving
'cause you're fucking up my mind

I'm gettin' tierd of falling asleep
These lines are no good, They're making me weak
I'm gettin' tierd of falling for you
You're running out all of my time....

These should be the good times!
These should be the good times!

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah
No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no

Well, I've never prayed,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold , I am here with my mold
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no

(Well have you ever been down?)
(I can't change, I can't change...)
(Ooooohhhhh...)

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
Trying to make ends meet, trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah
You know I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no
I can't change my mold, no,no,no,no,no

(It justs sex and violence melody and silence)
(It justs sex and violence melody and silence)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)
(It justs sex and violence melody and silence)
(I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down)
(Been down)
(Ever been down)
(Ever been down)(Lalalalalalaaaaaaaa...)
(Ever been down)
(Ever been down)
(Have you ever been down?)
(Have you ever been down?)
(Have you ever been down?)