Chuck Norris


-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

DATE - TOURNAMENT
HOME TEAM vs AWAY TEAM

SPANISH SUPER CUP FIXTURES

11/08-07 Spanish Super Cup
Leg 1. Sevilla F.C. Real Madrid C.F.

19/08-07 Spanish Super Cup
Leg 2. Real Madrid C.F. Sevilla F.C.

LA LIGA FIXTURES

26/08-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 1. Real Madrid C.F. Atletico Madrid

02/09-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 2. Villarreal C.F. Real Madrid C.F.

16/09-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 3. Real Madrid C.F. U.D. Almería SAD

23/09-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 4. Real Valladolid Real Madrid C.F.

26/09-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 5. Real Madrid C.F. Real Betis

30/09-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 6. Gestafe C.F. Real Madrid C.F.

07/10-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 7. Real Madrid C.F. Recreativo De Huelva

21/10-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 8. R.C.D. Espanyol Real Madrid C.F.

28/10-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 9. Real Madrid C.F. Dep. La Coruna

31/10-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 10. Valencia C.F. Real Madrid C.F.

04/11-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 11. Sevilla F.C. Real Madrid C.F.

11/11-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 12. Real Madrid C.F. R.C.D. Mallorca

25/11-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 13. Real Murcia Real Madrid C.F.

02/12-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 14. Real Madrid C.F. Racing Santander

09/12-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 15. Athletic Bilbao Real Madrid C.F.

16/12-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 16. Real Madrid C.F. Osasuna

23/12-07 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 17. F.C. Barcelona Real Madrid C.F.

06/01-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 18. Real Madrid C.F. Real Zaragoza

13/01-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 19. Levante Unión Deportiva Real Madrid C.F.

20/01-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 20. Atletico Madrid Real Madrid C.F.

20/01-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 21. Real Madrid C.F. Villarreal C.F.

03/02-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 22. U.D. Almería SAD Real Madrid C.F.

10/02-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 23. Real Madrid C.F. Real Valladolid

17/02-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 24. Real Betis Real Madrid C.F.

24/02-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 25. Real Madrid C.F. Gestafe C.F.

02/03-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 26. Recreativo De Huelva Real Madrid C.F.

09/03-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 27. Real Madrid C.F. R.C.D. Espanyol

16/03-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 28. Dep. La Coruna Real Madrid C.F.

23/03-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 29. Real Madrid C.F. Valencia C.F.

30/03-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 30. Real Madrid C.F. Sevilla F.C.

06/04-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 31. R.C.D. Mallorca Real Madrid C.F.

13/04-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 32. Real Madrid C.F. Real Murcia

20/04-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 33. Racing Santander Real Madrid C.F.

27/04-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 34. Real Madrid C.F. Athletic Bilbao

04/05-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 35. Osasuna Real Madrid C.F.

07/05-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 36. Real Madrid C.F. F.C. Barcelona

11/05-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 37. Real Zaragoza Real Madrid C.F.

18/05-08 Spanish Primera Liga
Round 38. Real Madrid C.F. Levante Unión Deportiva

arsenal fixtures 07/08
the draft fixture list for the 2007/08 Premier League season has been announced.

Arsenal kick-off their campaign at home to Fulham on August 11. They were scheduled to travel to Newcastle the following Wednesday but that fixture clashes with the Champions League third qualifying round first leg. Therefore the game at St James’ Park will have to be rearranged.

Arsène Wenger’s side go to Tottenham on September 15, relatively early in the campaign, and entertain Martin Jol’s side in the final fixture before Christmas. Manchester United arrive at Emirates Stadium on November 3 and the return game has been placed in thick of the title run-in, April 12.

As for the other main title contenders, Arsenal play Chelsea at home on December 15 and visit Stamford Bridge on March 22. They go to Liverpool on October 27 and entertain Rafa Benitez’s side on April 5

Arsenal end their Premier League season at Sunderland on May 11. However the final game at Emirates sees Everton as the visitors. The superstitious among you will recall that this fixture concluded the campaigns of 1997/98 and 2001/02. Both saw Wenger’s side achieve the Double.

Please note that this is a draft fixture list and will be subject to change. We will carry further fixture updates when the first set of television dates are announced.

August
Sat 11 Fulham (h)
14/15 UEFA Champions League Qualifier 1st Leg
Sat 18 Blackburn Rovers (a)
Sat 25 Manchester City (h)
28/29 UEFA Champions League Qualifier 2nd Leg

September
Sat 1 Portsmouth (h)
Sat 15 Tottenham Hotspur (a)
18/19 UEFA Champions League Matchday 1
Sat 22 Derby County (h)
Sat 29 West Ham United (a)

October
2/3 UEFA Champions League Matchday 2
Sat 6 Sunderland (h)
Sat 20 Bolton Wanderers (h)
23/24 UEFA Champions League Matchday 3
Sat 27 Liverpool (a)
Wed 31 Carling Cup 4th Round

November
Sat 3 Manchester United (h)
6/7 UEFA Champions League Matchday 4
Sat 10 Reading (a)
Sat 24 Wigan Athletic (h)
27/28 UEFA Champions League Matchday 5

December
Sat 1 Aston Villa (a)
Sat 8 Middlesbrough (a)
11/12 UEFA Champions League Matchday 6
Sat 15 Chelsea (h)
Wed 19 Carling Cup Quarter-final
Sat 22 Tottenham Hotspur (h)
Wed 26 Portsmouth (a)
Sat 29 Everton (a)

January
Tue 1 West Ham United (h)
Sat 5 FA Cup 3rd Round
Wed 9 Carling Cup Semi-final 1st Leg
Sat 12 Birmingham City (h)
Sat 19 Fulham (a)
Wed 23 Carling Cup Semi-final 2nd Leg
Sat 26 FA Cup 4th Round
Tue 29 Newcastle United (h)

February
Sat 2 Manchester City (a)
Sat 9 Blackburn Rovers (h)
Sat 16 FA Cup 5th Round
19/20 UEFA Champions League K/O Round 1st Leg
Sat 23 Birmingham City (a)
Sun 24 Carling Cup Final

March
Sat 1 Aston Villa (h)
4/5 UEFA Champions League K/O Round 2nd Leg
Sat 8 Wigan Athletic (a) or FA Cup Quarter-final
Sat 15 Middlesbrough (h)
Sat 22 Chelsea (a)
Sat 29 Bolton Wanderers (a)

April
1/2 UEFA Champions League Quarter-final 1st Leg
Sat 5 Liverpool (h) or FA Cup Semi-final
8/9 UEFA Champions League Quarter-final 2nd Leg
Sat 12 Manchester United (a)
Sat 19 Reading (h)
22/23 UEFA Champions League Semi-final 1st Leg
Sat 26 Derby County (a)
29/30 UEFA Champions League Semi-final 2nd Leg

May
Sat 3 Everton (h)
Sun 11 Sunderland (a)
Sat 17 FA Cup Final
Wed 21 UEFA Champions League Final (Moscow)

To be Arranged
Newcastle United (a)