Sausage sandwiches for breakfast,
Tuna toastie for lunch,
Chicken or something for dinner,
Give the TOASTIE MAKER a punch (hahahaha)

Just eat and eat and eat,
And wipe until its clean,
Without you life would be incomplete,
Lean mean grilling machine!

LONG LIVE THE THREE!!
Big shout out to dec-a-lan...the veteran of george foreman usage.

"Stop it! I have a black belt in oregami!"
"You have skin like an angel"
"All you can do in Randalstown is drink and get your hair cut!"
"Well maybe if you stopped munchin carpet you woulda had time to get ready!"
"Ahh! That was sorer than being aborted!"
"I take it the cat was a gay?"
"Eoghan Quigg is Ireland's Barack Obama."
"Theres nothing like a good batin' during sex hi!"
"How about you sit on my face Ben"
"My hair makes me look like ive got a giant gobstopper for a head!"
"When she has a child a fucking hurley ball will come out first!"
"If I give him nachos he'll throw them right back at me and say 'I dont want yer fuckin chips, I need money for craaaaaack!' "
"friday night did the research for me"
"you guys,why is my burp fizzy?!"
"we're the last of a dying breed" - yes shane,yes we are
"dont finger my gravy"
"lets just say kayleigh's not stuck for sausages!"
"david bowie called,he wants his eyes back"
"i bet you wish you were a cat now"
"craic craic craic deadly"
"yes that's me at 125%"
"tool remind me of sitting alone in a dark room"
"oh my *wipes brow* "
"i dont give a juckle's mank"
"look at all the students in the audience getting paid £5 an hour to sit there"
"you're a doooorty gooorl"
"go away mister cloud"
"watch out for the jelly fish you pansy"
"these arent just any berries,these are M&S berries picked by cambodian child labourers"
"good one leaky,callin him by his name"
"i want to be a professional ribbon dancer"
"Oh look...it's a plane with two wings!"
"those scribbles on the roof are class"
"kayleigh,you look good in bed tonight"
"I'll drink til the crows crow"
"i am an otter with one wing,now it's time to hear me sing"
"im not drunk im alive"
"just because he shoved his finger up her ring of fire"
"i would sex the blonde right out of her hair"
"stop doing that or else i'll turn,and when i turn you know how i turn so you dont want to see me turn"
"Hows doyleeeeerrrr?"
"Oh i'll eat her white stuff!"
"a liar speaks nothing but the truth"
"hill mountain telephone"
"watch out theres cars in the car park!"
"my granny's fanny looks like an ogre's arse on a sunny autumn morning"
"im as fertile as a field"
"its cos they are black and they gotta look out for their brothas and show respect to their crib"
"that weirdo with five colours in her pubes"
"you smell like a marmite factory!"
"who's calculator??"
"suck my dumplings"
"aww the meat sweats are coming on"
"BBC...123...YE HUUUUR YE!!!"
"I'll 'come on' you!"
"The gimp was born to get fucked up!"
"It's like wakin up in Magaluf"
"Why would you want USSR on your willy?"
"How big is YOUR cucumber?"
"You get a bit of this...and you get tea off a girl...welcome to marriage!"
"I wanna get married for the joint back account"
"I was standing beside the worlds largest human minstrel!"
"This boy came up behind me and grabbed my kebab!!"
"It's like the diary of Anne Frank in here."

"At one stage,roysh,I actually get worried that I might have knocked the tosser unconscious, that's how hord I hit this one particular bump.But he's wide awake when I turn around and go,
'Dont't panic Hennessy, but there's a checkpoint up ahead,'
just putting the shits up him basically. He ACTUALLY bursts into tears,roysh,and he's giving it,
'Please Ross.I don't want Lauren to have to visit her father in Mountjoy.'
The tool.I'm actually stopped at traffic lights,roysh,waiting to pull out onto the airport road,but of course his imagination's doing ninety to the dozen and he thinks the Feds have pulled me over.So just as the lights are turning green,roysh,I roll down the window and shout,
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE"'
at no one basically,then I do what I have to say is a pretty amazing wheelspin and take off at,like,seventy miles an hour."
P.S.I scored the Bridesmaids

"In the background, the old dear's going,
'Tell him about the Rottweiler, Charles. And the ice cream van.'
The old man goes,
'Come on, we've no proof that it was an ice cream van.'
And the old dear storts going apeshit, she's there,
'Charles, I've been to the northside. I KNOW what an ice cream van sounds like.'
He goes,
'All I'm saying, darling, is that you were upset.'
And she loses it then, roysh, she's like,
'I HEARD AN ICE CREAM VAN, CHARLES. WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?'
The Orange Mocha-Chip Frappuccino years

"Castlerock boarders are Total Knackers it says in, like, black morker on
the bus shelter opposite Stillorgan Shopping Centre, roysh, put there by
some tool who doesn’t realise that (a) writing graffiti actually makes him
a knacker and (b) so does getting the focking bus. Nothing against
public transport myself, but the old pair are basically rolling in it
enough for me and the old 46A to lead parallel lives."
The Miseducation Years