Men vs. Women
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Handwriting:

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.


Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.


Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.


Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.


Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.


Magazines:

Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.

Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.


Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.


Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.


Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.


Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight year

TEN YEARS AGO....................

1.) How old were you? 5
2.) Where did you go to school? Alehandro De Humboldt
3.) Where did you work? Nowhere at 5.
4.) Where did you live? Maracaibo
5.) Where did you hang out? On the Streets
7.) Who was your best friends? Mario and Duglas. I always remember them. They were legends
8.) How many tattoos did you have? None
9.) Piercings? None
10.) What car did you drive? A car at 5????
11.) Had you been to a real party yet? Yup
12.) Had your heart broken? No
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Div
orced/Bitter: Single

FIVE YEARS AGO....................

1.) How old were you? 10
2.) Where did you go to school? Strathburn Primary School
3.) Where did you work? Nowhere
4.) Where did you live? Inverurie
5.) Where did you hang out? Strathburn park.
6.) Did you wear glasses? Nope
7.) Who were your best friends? Slogan (David Logan)
8.) Who was your regular-person crush? Dunno. cant remember
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None
10.) How many piercings did you have? None
11.)What car did you drive? none
12.) Had you ever had your heart broken? No
13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitt
er: single, maybe?? Taken

**2008**

1.) How old are you? 15
2.) Where do you work? nowhere
3.) Where do you live? Inverurie
4.) Do you wear glasses? Nope
5.) Do you have a best friend? Nah. Only have friends. I dont belive in having best friends anymore
6.) Do you talk to your old friends? yeah some of them
7.) How many piercings do you have? NONE!
8.) How many tattoos? None
9.) What kind of car do you have? an Alpine Sunbeam! its a beast!
10.) Has your heart been broken? nah
11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitt
er? Single

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