Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't tea-bag, he potato-sacks

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

A man was on his way home one night when he noticed a young girl standing by the side of the road, so he stopped at the side of the road , she got in when he went through the tunnel he looked to his left when he got out of the tunnel she wasnt there so he relized he has left her behind so he turns around but he wasnt concentrating so he knoked over an elderly women over crashes into the cemetry, flying into an open grave he glanced in the back and found the girl in the backseat, naked eating a big-mac with large fries and a pepsi she also had a Dairy Milk McFlurry with a giant portion of McNuggets And then he heard a creepy voice from the back saying "Can we go to KFC or Burger King for a XL Double whopper and Cheese with a Double Bacon Cheese Deluxe?" and without realising, he went "Yes, aslong as we can get a Family Bucket of Boneless Chicken and Beans with a Tango Orange with Double Coleslaw and Popcorn Chicken" and all in all he forgot he was driving a left hand drive car! :S