1. 'Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind' is your idea of good weather.

2. The only sausage you like is square.

3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.

4. You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: 'numpty' is an idiot, 'aye' is yes, 'aye right' is no, 'auldjin' is someone over 40, and 'Baltic' is cold.

5. You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausa GE, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.

6. You used to love destroying your teeth with Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.

7. You always greet people by talking about the weather.

8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc you still love it when they are played in a club abroad. (In fact you'll probably ask the DJ to play it)

9. You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.

10. You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.

11. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.

12. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books every Christmas.

13. You watch and enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are ****ed.

14. You are able to recognise the regional dialect: "Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper Nat, Cheers, magic pal." (Glasgow); "Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min." (Aberdeen); "Ah-eee right enuffff! How's you keeeepeeeen?" (Inverness)

15. You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout—'Errapolis!'.

16. You have witnessed a 'Square Go'

17. You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, 'Are you Catholic or Protestant?'

18. You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.

19. A jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.

20. You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.

21. You know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you askin'?' followed by 'am askin'' and finally 'then am dancin''.

22. You associated sawdust with vomit, 'cause the jannie always used to pour it over sick in school.

23. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.

24. You don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages.'

25. You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.

26. You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words only:- Awright, aye, and naw.

27. When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ' You no well?'.

28. You have heard the following:

You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans'll testify to that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The chances o' it reachin earth,
Are ninety nine tae wan.

29. You know that going to a party means bringing a 'kerry oot'.

30. Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave back home.

31. Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result'.

32. You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Kirkcaldy.

33. You love deep fried Pizza.

34. You can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.

35. You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn, winter)

36. You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.

37. You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry acc essories, and think 'that's class'.

38. You measure distance in minutes.

39. You understand Rab C. Nesbitt.

40. You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.

41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.

42. You know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it.

43. You know someone who planned their wedd

Current Rules:

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer
- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)
- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.
- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking
- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager
- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.
- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.
- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out 'Football' takes shot of Jager.
- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.
- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer
- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager
- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of Whisky
- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:- Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round
- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer
- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer
- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1 shot of Jager
- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must be downed
- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager
- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of jager
- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.
- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.

IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, Zune, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that"s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don"t lie, its pretty funny.

My Life: Talkin' About A Revolution - Tracy Chapman

Opening Credits: New Frontier - Counting Crows

Waking Up: Live to Win - Paul Stanley

First day at school: Guarded - Disturbed

Falling in love: Run to the Hills - Iron Maiden (LOL!)

Breaking up: Misunderstanding - Genesis

Fight Song: Wake Me Up (Jab Remix) - Neuroticfish

Meltdown: Electric Crown - Testament

Flashback: Perfect Day - Lou Reed

Driving: - 21st Century Digital Boy - Bad Religion

Wedding: Number One Love - Gabriel Antonio

Birth of a child: Caledonia - Dougie MacLean

Life: Bastards of Bodom - Children of Bodom

Final Battle: Punch Me I Bleed - Children of Bodom

Death Scene: Two Coins - Shadow Law

Funeral Song: Better Living Through Catastrophe - All Shall Perish

End Credit: Huck It - The Offspring

A lot of those songs would fit those contexts; weird Oh, I also have a terrible taste in music.....