Recently i'm questioning if i'm a decent songwriter or not and would like some honest opinions, thoughts, crits, etc. on this "piece". Honestly i'm beginning to think i don't even make sense sometimes.

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I guess it could be titled 'away'.

away is the place i wish to stay
somewhere far from blame
at least that's the plan
away is reservation for my rainy days
earth beneath the shade
shelter from the pain
away is the sunsets shade of gray
the tones between the fade
dust among the sand

when will it all go away
these feelings that i've restrained
these feelings i've watched degrade
deals we've made in disgrace

here was the place i tend to fear
reason before the tear
that is why i ran
here was once my favoured season
now shunned without a reason
cannot please them
here was the silver on the cloud
was once bravest and the proud
fate has reclaimed its crown

when will it all go away
these lies that i've restrained
will it ever go away
the deceit i've watched degrade

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©Daniel C. Bourke 2009.

********UPDATED VERSION***********

truth is in life, lies are in living
promises breaking, mindless forgiving
wasting the day, erasing the night
living in vain, is a waste of a life
dying from the sun, lying under moon
divided oneself, decided by you

descending like rain, grieving from the loss
pretending no pain, numb from the frost
frost of my heart, my cold heart abyss
defrost it with love, fill the emptyness

sad eyes and frowns, lives of this town
flying so high, when the sky's falling down
declining not gaining, i tried explaining
drained-stained-rearranged, don't know what i'm saying
the well has gone dry, no tears left to cry
my thoughts plagued by lies, to tired to try

so god damn tired, tired of the earth
burned by the fire, scarred by the curse
curse of desire, desire for you
become lost and thoughtless, help me get through

traces of life, faces of death
hold on for life, but don't hold your breath
negativity from stressin', relativity in session
text book of lifes lessons, no answers try guessin'
can't help remembering, wont lose the memories
can't stop from thinking, endlessly wondering

thoughts of the times that've passed, knew they would never last
thinking of times that i've missed, sick of missing the past
feeling inside so blue, blinded by misery
tired of missing you, i'm tired of missing me

i've tried forgetting, was hard to let you go
continued regretting, just thought i'd let you know
diverted my care, false map that i've drawn
wishing to be there, wishing you weren't gone
intrusion of dreams, delusions, awaken
puzzle piece nightmares, picture keeps breaking

rekindled confusion, can't deal with not knowing
truth from illusion, my insides are showing
the damage has been done, the heart has been broken
inevitable begun, just at the wrong moment

©Daniel Christopher Bourke 2009

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