This is funny!!!!!!

Bed sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a
series of tests,
the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest
episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhea and
was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.In a complete loss of
composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started
yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a
tangled pile at
his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets,a
hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter),
and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is
going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a
ghost."

**ATTENTION... this is a joke i heard in pre-school.!!!


Three blokes decided to go fishing one day, so off they went on the boat... They finally found a nice and peaceful fishing spot so they decided to stop there.
They all pulled out their fishing rods and got started...
All of a sudden all three of their rods caught on to something... they struggled with it but finally got the strength and all three of them pulled up this extremely large fish... well so they thought!!!!

After the massive fight to pull it up they finally got this large chest onto the deck of their boat... All of them grabbed and pulled at the lid of the chest until they finally got it open and with a *BANG* a large genie fly’s out.

The genie looked at all three men and she said... "Well isn’t this a pickle, i usually have to give the person who frees me three wishes but since there are three of you, you can have one wish each".

All three men, still in shock from what they had just pulled out of the water slowly started to regain thought so they could decided on what they would wish for... Out of nowhere, the first guy yells, “I want to be 25% smarter then I am right now". They genie looks at him and says “As you wish sir"... She waves her hands and says the magic words. She tests the guy and sure enuf, he is 25% smarter then he was b4.

The next guy says, "I want to be 50% smarter"! The genie looks at him and says “As you wish", she waves her hands and says the magic words and sure enuff, he is 50% smarter then he was before.

The third guy amazed and how stupid his friends were for not saying it first yelled out “I want to be 100% smarter then I am right now!". The genie looked at the third guy said "are you sure??". The thired guy said "absolutely!!!". She smiled, waved her hands and said the magic words and the guy turned into a women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bahahahahahaha
♥♥♥
GO WOMEN♀

August 31st

Just got transferred with work into our new home in Tennant Creek, Northern Territory!!
Now this is a town that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th:

Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.


October 20th:

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $200,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th:

It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid fuckin place.

November 8th:

If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to fuckin throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fuckin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

November 9th:

Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fuckin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.

November 10th:

The weather report might as well be a fucking recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fucking sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fucking place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fucking pool. Even the palms can't live in this fucking heat.

November 14th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 44 today. Now the
air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker.
Fuck Tennant Creek! What kind of a sick demented fucking idiot would want to live here?

December 1st:
>>>
>>> WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fucking kidding