I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of gta and I smelled something funny from my neighbors house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so I went right in.
Sure enough there was my neighbor and two of his friends smoking to their hearts content. I told them they had two options, one- they could put the joints out or two- I would put the joints out for them.
My neighbor had run ins with me before so he knew I meant business so he threw his joint down and told me to leave.
I said you made a wise choice but I'm still calling the cops and then I turned to leave. My neighbor then got up off the couch got behind me and said a few cuss words and told me to mind my business.
Well that did it.
I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "lets get high".
I then front kicked him a good 8 feet in the air. Then his other friend came at me with the bong, I grabbed his arm, snapped it and then hit him in the stomach with the bong.
His other friend ran into the kitchen so I went after him. He was in the corner crying so I said "this is your brain" and then I grabbed a frying pan and said "this is your brain on drugs" and then I hit him in the head as hard as I could with the frying pan.
After that I called the cops and they came over and arrested my neighbor and his friends. As I was leaving the sarge shouted out to me thanks. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said " well you know sarge, perhaps if we build a freaking dunkin doughnuts on this street it would give you guys a excuse to ride up here once or twice a week and keep the crime down.
I then threw my shades on the ground to let him know I meant business.
I feel pretty good about what I did for my neighborhood today.

the toilet was messy so i had to hang my bum over the edge of the bath tub and pee in it. luckily i didn't need a poo.

so rather than go to some arcane beach with two creeps who were obviously scheming to murder me there (tee hee), i stayed home and danced around in my little jail cell, stared at my lap top and had racist fights with internet tough guys. during the latter i was craving some coffee but, alas, we have zilcho creamo; just some shitty iced up milk that tastes like crap with coffee, so i forced myself outside into the cool night air on the mean streets of winnipeg to pay $3 or so for a cafemocha!

whilst waiting in the queue to make my purchase, a man of about fifty years old a few people in front of me was ranting and raving about a history of violence and how it is an excellent movie, along with jarhead and a few other movies i didn't quite catch. he declared to every one and no one in particular that he loved war then ordered his coffee and donut. at this point one of the cashiers mentions to their shift buddy that he's to go fill out some forms because they received a few complaints.
mr. dude tells the male cashier that he doesn't complain about anything; he wouldn't even complain if his coffee tasted like shit, oh no, not even if his donut had dead flies all over it!

at this point i zone out of the one-way exchange and order my own drink then look back; mr. dude is now in the seating area, still ranting about his anti-complaint stance:

"I DIDN'T COMPLAIN TO OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN ABOUT GREASE. OR JOHN TRAVOLTA . THIS DONUT IS GREAT." he yells, holding it up as some kind of salute to the donut gods.
he then notices a woman on her cell phone and inquires:

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?"

she looks back at him and tells him it's late and time for bed (i assume for her), to which he retorts:

"NO, IT'S CELL PHONE TIME!"

at this point i leave laughing quietly to myself, then feel a little sad -- it's moments like these that i wish i weren't a scared, shy, reserved piece of shit or that i was at least drunk when i decided to pay tim hortons a visit this morning. a lot of opportunities to extract really interesting stories and opinions have been lost forever due to this and it makes me a wee bitty mad, then i grow angrier when i run through the questions i could have asked if i weren't such a pussy. i'd have asked to sit with him then we'd discuss movies and i would also ask why he doesn't like complaining. i'd buy himself and i another coffee and donut for his time. i'm pretty certain i'd have really enjoyed talking and listening to mr. dude's rants on a swift one-to-one basis. butt nuggets!