Part not white: more mature than ever

Earlier on in the year I explored what it was like to be a teenager again, it was kind of fun but it wasn't quite the same as when I decided to explore what it's like to be pensioner. I've actually been working on this for quite some time now, it's become a way of life, jumping into the shoes of other generations and my first encounters with the mature dates back to 2003 when I joined the local golf club and got a job working at the bar at the R.S.A. ( a place where old fuckers go and spend their life savings) I've got a few stories to tell but none better than when I first started out.
Getting the job at the R.S.A was due to a trickle down effect from joining the golf club, I was having a Beer after my round with a couple of the old lads and one random cunt had been getting on the straight Gins for a few hours and slurred
Oi... you ..young cunt!!
I looked around and I was the only dude under 70 in the club at the time. He must've been talking to me.
Wannaff...fucking job at the R.S.A?
How could I refuse? I had been unemployed for half a decade and couldn't help but take up the old dudes offer. I let the offer sit for a while because I didn't wanna seem desperate, I tried to get the control back from him, make him look like it was a fucking privilege to hire me. My plan backfired though. I turned around to except the job and the poor cunt had fallen asleep. I needed the job and decided to wake him up.
Hey mate.matey.wake up I said as I nudged him softly.
Fffuck off . Leave me alone you fucking. Little Cunt
As you can imagine, I wasn't very impressed by his defaming comment so I took a step back, I knew if this got out of hand I'd probably kill him with one punch. I approached him again after I'd regained my composure.
Look mate
I'm not your mate!!! What do you fucking want? the old cunt said.
You offered me a job, I'll take it
And that was that, me and Ernie have got on like a house on fire ever since.
I'd been working at the R.S.A behind the bar for 6 months when the annual Christmas party was approaching. Ernie had asked me to work all night and said he'd give me a little bit extra on the side for doing so. I new this would be a good laugh, lots of old gals doing those old school dances to impress the old boys. You'd be surprised at the amount of widowed skanks that hang out at the R.S.A, it's fucking unbelievable, I see this one bitch taking men out the back for quickies all night, I've never seen money change hands between her and the men but I'm certain she's running an underground brothel round here. I'll admit she's a bit of a good looker but it would still take the consumption of 12 beers and a tube of K.Y jelly for me to give her a go.
When the night arrived it was bloody hot, I prayed for some cold November rain but it never came. It was like a fucking sauna in the main lounge ever since Ernie fucked the Air con up, so as you can imagine the old birds turned up dressed as though they were going to the playboy mansion for dinner. I spose it was better than them all turning up in heavy clothes and sweating like rapists.
I was in charge of the music as well as my bar duties and decided to have a bit of fun with the sound system. When most of the people had arrived I got the music pumping, Great balls of fire'' was my first choice and boy did the oldies just love it. As it was playing I got the microphone and began whispering subliminal massages throughout the song. I used words like sex, breast and climax to get the old boys humming. It worked a treat too, they were all getting down and dirty, especially dirty Sally, the accused underground prostitute. After a while I upped the tempo of the music, they didn't notice a thing because they were so engulfed in the subliminal messages I'd been whispering, they didn't care what I played. I put on `California Uber Ales' by the Dead Kennedy's and fuck did the place erupt, it was insane, old cunts busting ou