At this time of year everybody has new ambitions to help make this year better than the last. We can all easily identify what made us happy in the year we just experienced and it's only natural to want to change these circumstances. This desire for change and a better life is embodied in one simple anual idea: the New Year's Resolution. The media cleverly plays on our resolutions, and our ability to forget them come February and offers us solutions, through price cuts, beauty products etc etc. The real reason however, that we fail at resolutions is not because the colon cleansing kit is too expensive, or that it's too hard to fill out the charitable donations form. Rather, it is that we simplify these resolutions based upon experience. For example, a woman may think "I didn't like 2008 because I got fat" She will then conclude that she got fat because "I ate too much cake" and think that 2009's solution is to "Eat less cake". The problem with this method of thinking is that it identifies the cause of the negative outcome, but not the cause of the cause itself. For example, a smoker who decides that quitting would be beneficial for their health, quits in 2009. Many would say the ultimate failure was due to going "cold turkey" or attempting too much at once. Instead of this, I believe that is due to the individual forgetting why the began smoking in the first place, ergo forgetting what will prompt them to smoke later. The woman who ate too much cake, forgets that perhaps lack of time caused her to snack rather than cook delicious roast chicken dinners. By attempting to address her weight gain by not eating cake she forgets that instead she could address her time management, which then would aid her in not snacking. The smoker, who attempts to resist cigarettes, forgets that it may be work related stress that stimulates his desire to smoke and does not address work issues by talking to his boss, as he should. Whether a person resolves to donate more to charity, lose weight, get fit, learn more, be sociable, drink less or many of the other common ideas out there, they need to understand them more. The issue is not the action you dislike, but rather the belief, thought or idea behind the action. Only in this way can situations be changed and become more positive.
For anyone who thinks 2009 is a "fresh start" or "new beginning" is oblivious to the fact that the British calendar does not change their circumstance, but only they can. The month of January 2009 is no different from December 2008. It does not really offer you an opportunity for change. The fact is anybody can change at any point and "New year" doesnt equal "New you". March, August or October can be as good a time as any to change something. Whatever the month, you are still you, and getting drunk, kissing someone and passing out on the eve of December 31st doesnt mean that by the morning you wont be hungover, ashamed and wondering where your shoes went. The sun and the moon rise, the weather changes, and we rise and fall and change along with them. If 2009 really is "going 2 b sooo much betr" because you posted a list of "my owwwn resolushions" on bebo/facebook/myspace (delete as appropriate) then forget about setting a target in January that you will fail or suceed, instead challenge yourself every month, or every day, to change what you dislike. If not, you might as well just get your gym membership for a week, your new boyfriend for when you have clear skin only and your donation to charity to only be needed when there isn't a sale at Top Shop.

1. Walk the dog more often
2. Pass my Highers
3. Get the camcorder out and film loads more!
4. Stop downloading stuff from limewire
5. Go camping
6. Learn to play an instrument (or more than one if possible)
7. Learn an outrageous skill like juggling or fire eating
8. See my friends a lot more
9. Learn to skate on my Quads properly
10. (On completion of 9) Try and find a local roller disco
11. Stop being an antisocial git
12. Don’t use the computer so much
13. Read a lot more
14. Get a job
15. Go to loads more concerts
16. Convert the shed into my lab
17. Get Brainiac tape
18. Meet some one famous
19. Hold a proper movie marathon/ sleepover
20. Go and see all the major musicals… dressed up
21. Pass my driving test first time
22. Restore a classic vehicle (preferably a beetle or hippy van)
23. Write more letters
24. Manage my time better
25. Don’t put off writing English essays
26. Learn how to edit movies and add in special effects etc
27. Take more photos
28. Maintain a size 10
29. Do every experiment in “How to Fossilise Your Hamster” as far as possible
30. Get a bigger bookshelf
31. Clear out my room and get rid of the junk I seem to accumulate
32. Learn how to do decent Photoshop edits
33. Make a decent bebo skin
34. Learn how to touch type properly
35. Tell everyone I love that I love them at least once
36. Stop being cynical about stuff like valentines day
37. Complete lent
38. Restart a free hugs campaign in Glasgow
39. Start something and stick to it
40. Start a project
41. Don’t waste the summer holidays sleeping
42. Apply for are you smarter than a 10 year old even though I’m not 18
43. Say I’ll audition for something and actually audition
44. Eat more fruit
45. Hug more trees
46. Stop being a bitch about everyone
47. Go to a Doctor Who convention
48. Convince my parents that I’m serious about vegetarianism
49. Attend a rally/ protest
50. Buy both my parents a new iPod
51. Make a notice board for my room
52. Keep my room including the wardrobes tidy
53. Get my cuff pierced
54. Get my hair restyled
55. Fundraise for as much as possible
56. Attempt a sponsored silence
57. Get to bed at a reasonable hour where possible
58. Don’t be late for school
59. Join a cause like CND or PETA
60. Be nice to people even when they really piss me off
61. Don’t use up all the memory on my computer
62. Expand ‘the corner’
63. Stop snacking in between meals unless necessary
64. Try and set a World Record
65. Pull at least one all-nighter
66. Learn to cook
67. Make an amateur movie
68. Enter a YouTube competition
69. Finish all the unread books on my shelf
70. Read the dictionary
71. (On completion of 6) Go busking
72. Compose a piece of music with a score twice as long as me
73. Stop getting irate with people who send on chain mail
74. Prank people on April Fools day
75. Start Growing something and keep it alive
76. Invent something cool
77. Invite an old friend to come and visit
78. Go for a week without all my gadgets
79. Tutor someone properly
80. Take up astronomy
81. Remember everyone’s birthday
82. Buy birthday presents for my friends and family in advance
83. Be more independent
84. For one day give every homeless person I meet some money
85. Start Christmas shopping in advance
86. Learn to draw
87. Think of a career
88. Buy loads more band merch
89. Expand my music taste
90. Be a morning person at least once
91. Get up before noon even when I don’t have to get up
92. Get fit
93. Learn how to cartwheel
94. Start a petition
95. Stop we

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a mexican wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.