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- How well do you know Juan? 14 Taken
1 Comment 340 weeks
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it.
Men, repost this because you have balls
0 Comments 341 weeks
FINALLY, THE GUY’S SIDE OF STORY. (I MUST ADMIT, IT’S PRETTY GOOD)
We always hear “The Rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are OUR rules! Please note these are all numbered “1” on purpose!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is BLACKMAIL.
1. Ask for you what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your GIRLFRIENDS are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem see a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girl, don’t expect us to act like Soap Opera guys.
1. If you think you’re FAT, you probably are! Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry then we meant, the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both - If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up later.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…REALLLY.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
0 Comments 347 weeks
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