The day started at 6am for me. Woke up hungover on the couch. Phoned round everybody, but no answer. Got ma shit ready. Phoned round again, and only Chub answers. Then ma bro shows up at the front door about 6:45am> Got Greg on the phone around then too, but Bob the jaky mess is asleep, dead to the world. So ma bro goes round banging his front door down, and chuckin stones at his bedroom window. Still fuck all. Then all he hears is Bobs Da shoutin "alright, gi uz a break!!". I think he was a bit pissed off at the noise at 7am. Sorry Bobs Dad, it had to be done. So Bob was up, then back to bed the lazy shit. Woke him up eventually and got things moving. Instead of the 6:40am train from Largs we were now getting the 8:50am, which was fucked up. We got into Glasgow at ten to 9, and Greg has a mission; he needs to return a dress which didnt fit him to a shop way up Argyll Street. That took another 45 minutes standing around like a bunch of fannies. Got some breakfast at Burger King in Queen Street station, a fuckin massai Triple fuckin Whopper, chips n coffee with an extra wee bergher, and some skanky Cheese dippers, AND!!!! a manky fuckin Donut an all!!! Then had to negotiate the uber busy station pedestrian traffic downstairs to the underground to catch our train. Met Ross on his way to work, which was slightly random.

We had to get off that train in Anniesland (i think, i forget the details now) to catch a second train which went onto Milngavie. Got into Milngavie about lunch time, maybe half twelve, and spent an hour fucking around like idiots trying to get booze. Went into the massive Tesco and folk got lost in the maze that is the booze isles. Chub showed his ID to the cashier, she turned and looked at Bob and asked for his aswell. He didnt have any, so they couldnt get served, and i had to go in and get it. Major fuckin farsage that took way too long to sort out. Got the booze, vodka, whisky and shit loads of coke. Only thing was, we couldnt fit any of it in the bags. So we had to walk 12 miles with heavy overloaded plastic carrier bags cuttin shit out of our hands... great...

Eventually set off from Milngavie at the starting point of the Way around 1:30pm, instead of trekking from 9ish!!! So we had already lost out on a half days walking. We powered it up out of Milngavie into the Trossachs and Loch Lomond National Park, where we went mad taking hunners of daft photos. Some of them turned out pretty good, but that turned into a heavy slogathon pretty soon after that. With only 6 miles down we reached the first real place to stop. A small pub in the ass shfink of nowhere (thats where those ducks were). So we ate them. Well... we were fuckin hungry. Na, we ate burgers n chips again, and im feeling sick as a shit sandwich in the hands of a blind kid with no sense of smell just thinking about burgers again. I'll explain later.

We stayed for a few pints at the pub and sat outside despite the rain. Waiting the rain out in a wooden smoke hut. Managed to have a good laugh though, and everybody was a feeling a bit more 'for it' afterwards. With sore feet already, it was don the bags and some cheap ass ponchos and back to the slog.

Heavy trekkin for a couple more hours down long drawn out straight paths. The weight of the bags and booze really cutting in bad by this stage. The walk was becoming a demoralising abuse-a-thon of the ankle region. We did take some more pics along that path, 1 of a big fuckin Bull, and some other assorted random shit. We walked for what seemed like 20 miles, and we werent even by 10 yet (we had walked the equivalent of Largs to Seamil approximately). Everyone started looking for somewhere to camp before Drymen so we would have a shop to use in the morning, forgetting that morning would be sunday, and that, infact, on any given sunday, the entirety of what is commonly known as Northern Scotland, is, indeed, closed for the day... so, be warned by the way.

So we wretchedly wandered along scan

Day 2. I'm up first at 5:30am like a shot. No other cunt about. I thought fuck it, get a fire going again. So with bits of slimy wet wood (after the rain fell all night) i managed to use some bog roll and got it goin. We had burgers for brekkus... oh dear...

Everyone else got up about the same time except Bob, who was still really ill, and was now suffering a double hangover on par with a high speed car crash victim, who has just been subjected to an hour long live performance of Slayers harshest hits, locked in the cubicle of an Aeroplane toilet whilst having a long abraisive stick inserted into his brain via a badly infected ear.

So i cooked up some burgers, and everybody had one each... but, unfortunately for me, there were a few left, and they needed cooked while there was a fire, and there wasnt any wood left to keep a fire going long enough to cook again. So i cooked the remaining burgers. Bob still didnt get up. I eat a 2nd. Feeling a little full after the 1st one. Please, at this stage, just keep in mind that we had a Burger King meal for breakfast on day 1, followed by burgers for lunch, and a round of burgers for dinner!!!! Followed by a course of burgers for fucking breakfast on day 2, and now im on ma 2nd!!!

I'm startin to sweat. Turning a mild shade of yellow. Onto the 3rd burger. This time doubling up the cheese so we dont waste any. Bob still doesnt get up. I'm onto my 4th now and a crisis occurs, NO TOMATO SAUCE LEFT!!! Onto some dodgy looking mayo and off date tartare sauce, and i'm now tripling the cheese slices to use them all up! Fuckin sweatin a belter now. Trouble breathing normal. Stuffed fuller than a taxidermists pet owl and ma bro has enough. He cant bear to watch me eat anymore. He walks away on a whitey from watching me eat. I was so full up i felt like i was gonna give birth to a hod full of bricks n mortar, but i kept eating, stuffing burger and bun in ma face, chewing mouthfulls of cheese and bread dough, chewing and chewing unable to swallow coz its so dry and stodgy. Even making really disgusting slurping and slopping sounds trying to make Tommy spew! There's only 2 burgers left now, and Bob gets up at last, and only wants 1... oh dear....

I take another burger with triple cheese and off date tartare sauce oozing out the sides and down my hands into my jacket sleeve. One bite in, can barely chew now, sore jaws. Now using cold tea out the pot with bits of ash and shit floating in it to try in vain to wash down the uber dry bread dough. Then suddenly i start getting light headed with palpatations, so i threw the last one on the deck, next to a "forest special" (which is a name loosely associated with the freshest steaming cack of the day) what a fuckin disgusting bastard of a breakfast that was ill tell ye. Never again! Could have seriously bunged up ma back passage and been left constipated, ridden with bochelism and a side order of jaundus from that sweaty cheese slice / burger bonanaza. Warm raw burgers that had sat in a bag for 2 fuckin days thawin out!!

Holy shit man. So anyway, after that farse an a half, we packed up. Took a dump, hid the evidence, and got back on the trail. Headed for Drymen. Supposedly it was only a half mile away, but a sign said 2 miles. Then another said 2 and half, when we thought we were right next to it, fuckin weird ill tell ye. Think we must have skirted all the way round Drymen and came back to it from the north end.

We missed Drymen somehow, despite having Greg and Bob, the greatest map readers the world has ever seen. Apparently. We realised later that the path doesn't actually go through a lot of the towns, it just skirts around or near them. So keep that in mind if you need a town for a shop, food, or somewhere to sleep! We kept on walking, thinking the path would lead us right into Drymen on the way somewhere, but alas, it did not. We walked up into Garadhban Forest, which spans for approximately 3.5 miles. The path climbs by 500 feet o

Day 3. I'm the last to get up, though i was awake first. Cant fuckin get out of the sleeping bag. Freezing damp and the howling wind made it real easy to stay put. So i tried to lie in, but got nagged like fuck until i got so pissed off i cracked up. Wet gear on again, fuckin shit as fuck. Horrible shitty feeling accompanied by a chorus of swearing and mumbling. Got a cold and bunged up synusses, sore eyes, headache, stiffness in the shoulders making the headaches worse. Very shit day at that point. Im now in a pair of damp jeans, 3 wet t shirts, 3 pairs of socks, and i'm shifting into the front of the tent to get my shoes on, and just as i unzip the insect door of the tent i see 2 feet spread out real wide apart, i start to look up, and then...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob is doing the "brain" in my fucking face (the brain, where a guy grabs his sack and squeezes it behind his balls, so that it looks like a brain)

Thanks Bob. I now have a complex fear of insect doors in tents from that experience.

We packed up our shit and got moving pretty early that day. Walked through the forest to the beach where Greg and Bob had heard a party the night before. People had abandoned tents there, and some clothing and gear. Further on, the sun was making a well appreciated appearance. We found a tent which some idiots had pitched on the shore beside the Loch. The tent was now submerged in 3 feet of water after the Loch rose by about a metre in the night from rain fall and water descending from the surrounding hills. So of course, we stopped to take some pictures of it, coz it was funny as fuck. That cheered us up to know some other cunt was doing worse than us. Sick, but ultimately it made me feel a whole shit load better about our situation.

There is a serious climb just after that beach up into Ross Wood, in less than a 1/4 mile it rises over 300 feet up a steep and stony path. This offers some really beautiful views (in good weather) of the north face of Conic Hill and the southern end of Loch Lomond. Over the Ross Wood hill, the path opens out a little through some seriously muddy marshland between the trees out to a fern walled path back down to the Loch side. The path from there was really easy to manage. Fairly flat and not too many obstacles. Then it meanders through woodland again with a few climbs, and finally descends back down to Rowardennan Hotel.

We sat out in the beer garden of a small pub which was really in the middle of a wood, no town or any other houses etc. Everyone sat out in the sun and i took the oppotunity to dry out all my clothes on the fence beside the tables. I totally embarassed the boys but it had to be done or i would have had to go home, and fuck that, not that early on for me! So i dressed my blisters with dry bandages and put some dry gear on. Leaving my shoes in the sun to dry a little. I went in to order some food, and outside Tommy found a wee trike and went scootin about in the garden with it. We all ordered some hot food so we would have energy for the next leg. Up and out of Rowardennan Forest (a long ass haul over arguably one of the hardest parts of the West Highland Way). Greg and I went for the lasagne again. Though, when they brought it out, it was fucking huge!!! A right fat old dollop of cheesy beef. I wondered why they had gave us so much of it...

Until i ate a piece... and it tasted like what i believe dog shit tastes like, so i ate all of mine! It smelled of sweaty bum hole up close and had some really tough sinewy bits of rubbery disgusture throughout it. Dry boaking all the way, i kept on struggling through it in my plight for contentment of hunger.

Well... i was fuckin hungry and knew i would need it for energy, but Greg couldnt hack the wretched stench of dug shit and left a radically fat portion of cheesy beef shlob dob on the plate, and even the birds wouldnt fuckin touch it. Gads an absolute fuck, it was fuckin rotten. I got sic