THE GUYS' RULES

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

1. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant it the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

1. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions^and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as football, the offside rule or cars(not the movie).

1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. am I in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping

Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you just say?!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry (Clears throat and pulls out megaphone), actually what I said was, "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"

Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

Ted and Dougal's entry in the Euro Song Contest (series 2 show 4).
"My Lovely Horse
Running through the.. field
Where are you going
With your fetlocks blowing
In the... wind

I want to shower you with sugar lumps
And ride you over...fences
I want to polish your hooves every single day
And bring you to the horse... dentist

My lovely horse
You're a pony no... more
Running around
With a man on your back
Like a train in the night
Like a train in the... (hang on I can get this)... night!