You would like to meet the inventor of the buzzer some night in a dark alley.

Your sense of humour gets more warped each year.

Almost everything can seem humorous......eventually.

You know the smell of different diarrhoea to identify it.

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.

You check the caller id on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throw up.

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you.

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult".

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your co-worker and to call if they need help.

you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.

you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce

your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.

everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.

you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.


Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

You find yourself checking out other customers veins in the grocery waiting lines.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers for fear they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You have seen more penises than any prostitute

You Might Be a Nurse if...

- when using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.

- when you tell a man you meet for the first time you're a nurse, you're expected to laugh hysterically when he asks you for a sponge bath, as if it was the most original and wittiest thing you've ever heard.

- your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.

- men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.

- everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.

- you want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.

- you can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.

- you can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spaghetti with lots of tomato sauce.

- you use a plastic 30cc medicine cup for a shot glass.

Did you ever stop and wonder...

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?

Stop singing and read on...

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?