'You're a wonderful lover'.
Yes probably, but 'am I the best?', because that's what men want to know because they're pathetic.
And women dont have that competitive thing so they go 'there is no best'.
AHA. 'Who was he?...I know, some guy with blue eyes, loads of teeth and hair and skin and all that modern stuff, who always looked as if he was on a boat and gave up his job in cybergenics to go and plant trees in some fuckin' place and he had long lashes that could quote huge chunks of Baudelaire as he stirred his cafe latte, and he wrote a whole load of books and never told you and when you found them in an airport one day you were doubly impressed and then he played lead cello in the Bulgarian orchestra and didnt tell you until you'd spent an hour twanging around on your ratty fucking guitar looking for the first two chords of Da Doo Ron Ron. He was mysterious and everything , he couldnt call cause he was smuggling Crocrobian children over the boarder to get to safety using his fucking knowledge of missile tactics and his inheritance and everything then he got involved in some underground documentary film group and was killed in a really tragic way for sedition, one of those guys, HUH? I know your type!!
Hand me that shoe horn over there and I'll show you who's the best.
I may have spent too long on the toilet but I've almost got some feeling back in one legs!"

1. Euro Coins are like gold.

2. Two meals a day is standard.

3. Spontaneous nights out become every night.

5. You will begin to nap again.

8. E-mail/bebo becomes your second language.

9. University students throw paper airplanes too.

10. You never realized so many people were smarter than you.

11. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you can recite last weeks episodes of Scrubs

13. No one is too old for video games.

14. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital. Never, ever forget that!

15. It never sucked so much to get sick.

16. Not all your food in the canteen will be edible.

17. Lectures: the later the better, (but you will still sleep through them)

18. Disney movies are more than just classics.

20. Asleep by 2:30 AM is an early night.

21. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.

22. New additions to food groups: Pizza. Vodka.

23. Cash Machines are the devils advocate.

24. Duct tape heals all wounds.

25. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them even more.

26. Showers become less important, sleep becomes more important.

27. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.

28. You realize university is the ideal lifestyle, except for those annoying classes.

29. Procrastination is an art form.

30. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.

31. The only time to dress up is when all your jeans are dirty.

32. You'll eat anything if its free.

33. A cancelled lecture is almost better than Christmas

34. Looking out of the window becomes a form of entertainment.

35. You will base your day around whats on tv and not your time table.

36. Your room will only be tidy when you're meant to be working and are bored of bebo.

37. Exams/Projects will all result in you going on bebo.

38. You never care what you look like the morning after a night out, everyone feels and looks the same.

39. Once put up, Christmas decorations will never come down.....ever.

40. Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

41. "Oh shit! How did it get so late?!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.

42. Parents' cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.

43. You know the number of the local Chinese off by heart and don't even need to read the menu.

44. Jaffa Cakes and Cider count as one of your “5 a day”

45. You learn how to ride your bike again.

46. Toilet roll becomes a valuable commodity.

47. You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark

48. Prank phone calls become funny again.

49. You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your
accent becomes a hybrid of Donegal, Cork, Kilkenny and Wexford.

50. Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

51. The weekend lasts from Tuesday to Monday.

52. No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.

53. If you got results in the leaving cert, it doesn't matter here.

54. You can know nothing and ace a test.

55. You can know everything and fail a test.

56. Most of your education is obtained outside of lectures.

57. You cross the street without looking for cars.

58. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.

59. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.

60. Beans can be eaten with anything.

61. Maturity actually decreases over time.

62. Road signs can substitute for wall posters.

63. Not rememberin the night before becomes a common occurence

Some dude once said that love is a many funny things
I know there's a perfect girl out there for me, cuz I see her
in my dreams

Dream girl, you're a fantasy, you're the only one
Out there for me
My love

Dream girl you amaze me all dressed in paisley
Love how not one but both eyes are lazy
When I first saw you you were drivin' the bus
Thick skin, strong nose like a rhinoceros

Dream girl so beautiful, lips all crumby
Skin like asphalt, nose so runny
Thick thighs, no waist, not a care in the world
You not crazy girl, you just my baby girl

You're a vision in sweats with the neon patch
Half eaten squirrel hangin' outta your mouth
Rainbow poncho, the female tonto
Hear a loud noise drop a bucket like a bronco

Dream girl, you're a fantasy, you're the only one
Out there for me
My love

You got your cellphone ring set to Sex and the City
You like a hot bowl of gritz only way more gritty
Straight drippin' your turquoise my Santa Fe queen
One short leg you got the Santa Fe Lean

It's music to my ears when you scream in your sleep
And when you lift your skirt in public yo I can't help but peek
You like Cleopatra with the eyes of a pig
Love to watch you in the backyard when you go out to dig

Girl how'd you get those mouse traps glued to your neck
Little rascal, how'd you get screwed to the deck?
You put away slurpees like a trash can

Your smiles all stainy and your not too brainy and
I like that!

Talking to your shoes lke it's your friend
I like that!

Yellin' that the walls are make pretend
I like that!

Tellin' you to stop it then you don't
You said you gonna stab me in my sleep
But you won't!

Last week thought I saw you on the street, turns out it was a bag of trash
Just a big ol' bag of trash
I thought you look like a bag of trash

Dream girl I pitch a tent when you stomp in the room
Like a hellbound turkey mixed with a baboon
Your sexy and your spicy like a bowl of Chex Mix
And I always feel safe when I'm in your flesh mitts

Your teeth so clean coulda swore you were British
Never take the Chex Mix cuz you always get skittish
Open clamps with both feet cuz your ambidextrous
No point cuz we know you eat nothin' but Chex Mix

Chex Mix number one food snack in the land
It's the cereal taste that you eat with your hand
Chex Mix at your local grocer buy your box
Your family will all say
CHEX MIX ROCKS!

Chex Mix, your the snack for me, your the only one
I'll ever eat or buy
Chex Mix your delicious, you got 60% less fat than potato chips