1. Thou shant not drink water with lime on a night out with the lads
2. Thou shant not give thou impression that they have pizzas at home
3. Thou should always take pizza at home
4. Thou shant not steal thy mates toast
5. Thou shant not be made to walk in the cold in heels or one shall be grumpy!!!
6. Thou shant not discuss following budda in the presence of the new testiment beginners!!!!
7. Thou shall always have time for beers after the clubs have closed
8. Thou should always have a good supply of rum throughout the night
9. Thou should not show 70's style jocks off to complete strangers
10. Tho shall tap that

These are the ten comandments one must follow these commands in order to live a life of drunkenness and forgetfulness. Failure to follow such rules will result in major pissing off of the great one!!

Go forth and be wonderful to each other

How To Shower Like A Woman...

* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off of hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you
must make sure that it has all come off).
* Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
get it waxed instead.
* Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you
lose the water pressure.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces inn the shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
* Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
Country.
* Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
* Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.
* Return to bedroom wearing bathrobe and towel on head.
* If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any
exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half
getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man...
* Take off clothes while sitting in the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along
the way, flash her making the ''woo, woo'' sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to
see your pecs. Admire the size of your weiner in the mirror, stratch
your balls.
* Get in shower. Don't bother looking for a washcloth. You don't use
one.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
* Wash your privates and surronding area.
* Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
* Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
* Make a shampoo Mohawk.
* Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
* Pee (in the shower).
* Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor bacause you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you
checked your Mohawk.
* Partially dry off.
* Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles .Admire wiener size.
* Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on the floor.
* Leave bathroom light and fan on.
* Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your balls, shout ''Oh yeah,
baby!'' and thrust your pelvis at her.
* Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

So its that time of year again where camping is cool coz theres live music none of this climbing up mountains malarky just so we can live in a tent for a few days!!

Fitness Rules
#1 tent and sleeping bag (theres always one idiot who forgets they should be pointed and laughed at!!)

#2 your belly bag! yes i said it they look shit ul defo look like a tourist but theres no beter place to hide ur bottle of whiskey/vodka anyone who disagrees with me will be sober or will have to spend a fortune on shite tennants!!

#3 your flag never be ashamed of where u come from unless its england ha ha get out the tricolour and swing it proud!!

#4 beer

#4.1 more beer!!

#5 get a trolly for ur beer its a long walk from the car park! when u get to where u want to pitch ur tent sell it spend the money on more beer.

#6 bog roll your defo gona need ur own supply of this bad boy

#7 suncream its shit and not very cool when u smell like a coconut but essential none the less! (oshea u know what im talkin about)

#8 PONCHO!! this wil be the best thing ull ever bring dont be relying on the free ones u get there shit go to the campin shop army issue is the only way!! not only wil it keep u dryish but u can doulbe it up as a portable commode (Classy)

#9 spare socks (mammys are always right)

#10 fishing had or wolly hat!! nothing says rock more than an unsuitable hat check liam gallagher he knows his shit!

these rules are essential and must be followed!! anybody who wants to add to them please share with the rest of the class