Ok - this has been stolen from Brebsy, however I feel I must share my thoughts on it.
These are 8 very common drunken texts and many of which I actually did send last night whilst TOTALLY hammered... (the comments in stars after each type is me reliving last night...)


Eight Types of Drunken Texts 10 hours ago

1) The "fishing" text.

This text is normally along the lines of: "So wot u up 2 later?" or "U out tonight?"
Despite appearing innocent at first, its intentions are far from it. Generally sent at around 3am, this should be translated as:
"Im drunk, horny and haven't pulled tonight. Where is my back up shag? “
(Typical success rate is around 10%.)

The main determinates of a successful "fishing" text are the amount of alcohol in the person receiving the text, how filthy/desperate they are, and your marginal propensity to fall asleep whilst texting.

A "fishing" text is at its worst when sent to an ex. Just don’t do it! Remove his/her number from your phone IMMEDIATELY, or try simply putting "No" after/before her name in your phone book as a gentle reminder to avoid embarrassing yourself.

*****I did indeed send these texts last night, at roughly 2am... No responses... I wonder why...*****

2) Predictive “Cock-ups”

The predicative text software loaded onto nearly all mobile phones, whilst useful during the day, can wreak havoc whilst texting under the influence of alcohol.

Some favourites:

"Sorry still outside the club. Fucking steve." (queue)

"wish I was inside your gorgeous aunt right now" (c*nt)

“Ready and raping to go!” (raring)

The local pub in town is called the crown. So :

''fancy gettin food in the crown?''

is inevitably written as:

''fancy gettin done in the brown?''

"Fancy a dual?" (f*ck)

Fortunately, the girl receiving saw the funny side and sent the following reply:

"Andy, unfortunately I hav no desire 2 don full body armour, a sword, and a shield, grab my horse and ride over to urs for a "dual". Oh, and I certainly dont want sex with u!"

"It's ok, no hurry, I've got aids" (ages)

“Gassy new year!!!" (happy)

"come on over... I have wind" (wine)

Whilst preparing for a play:
“Have you got the rapist ready yet” (script)

“Spank me when u get here” (Prank)

***** Or my txt from last night which said "g tmtakw jmpt t wgdpd tgd dtaj dgd t gm." which should have said "I totally lost you where the fuck did you go" except I by accident turned off predictive txt and didn't realise...*****

3) The "friend locator" text

One of the only types of text to be sent without sexual motivation. Picture the following situation:

You've just met some chick and your mates have fucked off to leave you to it. At which point she realises your chat stinks and she makes an excuse to go find her friends. You are left alone to fend for yourself. You reach for your mobile phone and attempt to call your friends several times before realising they will not be able to hear their mobiles ring. Your solution is to send the following message:

"Wher u? Ho on dancefloor" Or some other incomprehensible crap.

*****Pretty much see above...*****

4) "Declarations of undying love"

No doubt the most embarrassing of the drunken texts. Do you recognise any of the following?

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world!" - Ergh!

"I love u!"

"Love you millions"

“If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I’d put u and I together”

"Missing you!" / "I miss you so much!"

It should be noted that for no apparent reason the number of kisses on the end of the text increases to some exponential figure with every succeeding love text x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Naturally, of course, there is nothing wrong with declarations of undying love but they are best steered away from if you are unlikely to remember them when you wake in the morning with a dry tongue and a throbbing headache. Because I promise you that YOU may have forgotten wh

On the 22nd June, I will be taking part in the Race for Life to help raise money for Cancer Research UK, and although this is a race where participants can run or walk (or crawl if they so wish), I have said that if I manage to reach my £100 sponsorship target, I will actually train to run the whole thing.
Now I know 5k isn’t a great distance but I am one of the least sporty people ever so it is quite a challenge for me. Anyway, if you would like me to suffer a wee bit and be forced to actually train, then why not sponsor me? To do this all you need to do is go to http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/... and follow the instructions.
Thanks a lot folks!!

It's really weird reading this blog back...
I just wondered, do people actually read them or are we simply ranting at ourselves??
I could rant for longer but my brain is needing alcohol so I must obey...
That is all...