These are from a website shown be Garry (that's two r's):

You'll have to explain pensions to me. I have no idea where to start.

Yeah! I'm at East Finchley! Where are you? Did you buy the leg?

Thrillers are popular. Chick Lit does well. And quite a few people read the Bible.

I never thought that Jason Bateman would make a comeback.

Somalians have long faces, don't they?

What's brown and a stick?

Do you want the seat? I'm getting off soon. In a while. Kings Cross.

Please excuse me. My eyes are disabilities.

I've got one of those little pigs that you can use as a hoover.

What's the name of that bloke who rapes people?

Who would abandon a lovely child like you?

Indian people don't need self-help books.

Sorry... I cough on you.

Somos de Colombia.

Why did they make you take off your belt? It's not like you're going to hang yourself on a plane.

Leon Posner is a poo.

Why would you wear a hat just to talk to God?

I quite like the idea of Geri Halliwell eating the shit out of your arse.

I was referring to the fact that she is dead, not the fact that she was blonde.

Quiet! I sense danger!

How very jolly!

Why? Has your dad only got one eye?

Put the gun down Brian.

This is the end.

Look at that bitch complaining that she's fat.

Wagamamas can lick my sweaty balls.

She doesn't have a name. They just call her "The Child".

If you're going to waste my time, I'm gonna piss in your ear.

I'm gonna have a word with my bitches.

My teeth smell of pain.

No offence like but I can't imagine you being skinny, like ever.

Mummy, if there was a crash and I rescued you, would you say thank you?

So, Voldemort is Darth Vader and Dumbledore is Obi Wan Kenobi.

Actually, Jasmine quite likes the idea of a hypnobirth

I wish he'd realise that depression is not something to be proud about.

Have you still got my sachet of salad cream?

She whipped his ass. Londoners underestimate out of towners

You're beautiful on the inside.

There are supposed to be little balls here, but all I feel is one big ball.

Once again I have failed to win the lottery.

Poor old Camilla. Her only crime is to be ugly.

Did she tell you she's pregnant, yeah? You gonna get rid of it?

FRY: Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

FRY: That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

FRY: No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did, never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up!

FRY: No, I'm ...doesn't!

FRY: You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless!


PROFESSOR: Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!

PROFESSOR: Dirt doesn't need luck!

PROFESSOR: Tell them I hate them!

PROFESSOR: (on phone) Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? To shreds, you say.

PROFESSOR: Buddha! Zeus! God! Somebody help me! Satan, you owe me!


BENDER: This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!

BENDER: Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder!

BENDER: Tempers are wearing thin. Let's hope some robot doesn't kill everybody!

BENDER: There! Now no one can say I don't own John Larroquette's spine!

BENDER: Have you ever tried simply turning off the tv, sitting down with your children and hitting them.

BENDER: I'm so embarrassed. I just wish everybody else was dead.

LEELA: Oh, I completely forgot! I left my apartment on fire!


ZOIDBERG: Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!

ZOIDBERG: I lost it. ...In a volcano.


ZAPP: You win again, gravity!

ZAPP: If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards.....Checkmate.

ZAPP: Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and I'll be needing an attendant, so- oh, I'm sorry, you're crying, like a woman!

ZAPP: Fly the white flag of war!


NEUTRAL PRESIDENT: If I die, tell my wife…hello.

NEUTRAL PRESIDENT: All I know is my gut says maybe.


WILLIAM SHATNER: We're just pawns in his diabolical game of checkers!

MULDER: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
SCULLY: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
MULDER: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.


HOMER:I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.


HOMER:(watching TV coverage of the April 15 scramble at the Post Office) Look at those morons. I paid my taxes over a year ago!


FLANDERS: I think we hit something.
HOMER: I hope it's Flanders.


HOMER: Hello, My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me.
CLERK: Okay, Mr. Burns... what's your first name?
HOMER: I... don't know...


GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE: Now, the kilt was only for day to day wear. In battle, we would don a full length suit covered in sequins. The idea was to blind the enemy with luxury!