My mouth's as dry as a nuns cr@ck

He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

As funny as a burning orphanage

He's so camp, he shites tent pegs

I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)

(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

As busy as the dalkey dole office

Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

As tight as a nun's knickers

I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn

I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

Up and down like a hoor's knickers

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt

I left her with a face like a painters radio

A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard

Jaysus, she could breastfeed a creche

As fit as a butcher's dog

She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book

Not even the tide would take her out

Mother Teresa wouldn 't kiss her

Daz wouldn't shift her

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her

A sniper wouldn't take her out

Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked p*ss off a Nettle

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall

Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her

HAVE YOU EVER OR WOULD YOU...
[_] go out with me?
[_] give me your number?
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] fuck me?
[_] have a relationship with me?
[_] Say yes if i asked you out?
[_] Hang out with me?
D0 Y0U...
[_] think im sexy?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle with me?
[_] want to hook up with me?
[_]think im weird
ARE WE...
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?
[_] gonna have kids?
[_]enemies?
AM i...
[_] sexy?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] loveable?
[_] Annoying?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
HAVE Y0U EVER...
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?


do dis plz nd dont lie !!!!!!!!

I _______ leonie.
leonie is ________.
leonie rox because___________.
When I think of leonie, I think of ________.
what i have learned from leonie _______.
If I were alone in a room with leonie, I would _______ her!
leonie loves ______
I want to ____________leonie!!.
leonie can ______ my _______.
If i had 2 describe leonie in 1 word: _______.
I hope leonie______.
I _____ leonie because_______________. leonie ______ my ______!!
If i had 2 chose a nikname 4 leonie it wud b ________,because_____________!