The rules of manhood by Ian "Horse" Horsfield


(1) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

(2) It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth

(3) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

(4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

(5) If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

(6) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

(7) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

( On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

(9) When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

(10) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

(11) It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

(12) Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

(13) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

(14) If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

(15) Women who claim they "love to watch sport" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sport watchers.

(16) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

(17) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both.... that's just mean.

(1 If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

(19) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours... except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

(20) Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a)Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

(21) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both queuing, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

(22) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

(23) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

(24) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

(25) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

(26) The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation, end of story.

[phife]
Linden boulevard represent, represent
Tribe called quest represent, represent
When the mic is in my hand, i'm never hesitant
My favourite jam back in the day was eric b. for president

Rude boy composer
Step to me you're over
Brothers wanna flex
Youre not mad cobra
Mc short and black
There aint no other
Trini-born black like mia longs grandmother
Tip and sha they all that, phife-dawg ditto
Honey tell your man to chill, or else you'll be a widow
Did not you know that my styles are top-dollar?
The five-foot assassin knockin fleas off his collar
Hip-hop scholar since bein knee-high to a duck
The height of mugsy bogues, complexion of a hockey puck
You better ask somebody on how we flip the script
Come to a tribe show and watch the three kids rip

[q-tip]
Queens is in the house represent, represent
A tribe called quest represent, represent
No tamin of the style cuz it gets irreverent
A tribe called quest represent, represent

Huh-huh, here we go
You know that i'm the rebel
Throwin out the wicked like god did the devil
Funky like your grandpas drawers, dont test me
We in like that, youre dead like presley
When we comin through get tickets to see me
We work for the paper so therell never be a preemie
Lyrics are abundant cuz we got it by the mass
Egos are all idle cuz the music is the task
Valenzuela on the pitch, curveball, catch it
I think i got it locked, just smooth while i latch it
Right
Now i must move with the quickness
Here comes shaheed so we must bear the witness

Chorus

Stir it up x3
Steve biko

Stir it up x3
Steve biko

Verse 2

[phife]
New york city represent, represent
A tribe called quest represent, represent
The dawg is scientific with the styles i invent
A tribe called quest represent, represent

Mcs like to meddle, but heres my proposition
I let my lyrics flow, and jumped your whole position
I'm radical with this like the man this song is after
Yo tip settle down, whats the reason for the laughter?

[q-tip]
I really cant say, i guess i laugh to keep from cryin
So much goin on, people killin, people dyin
But i wont dwell on that, i think i'll elevate my mental
Thanks for these bars on the biko instrumental

[phife]
Yo i take it back, im the indian giver
Mcs take notes as i stand and deliver
Percussion isnt less, d's wear the vest
While they dodgin bullets, you should be dodgin quest
Dont get me wrong, violence is not our forte
I just like to rhyme, kick the lyric skills like pele
Tip educateem, my rhymes are strictly taboo
Fill em with some fantasies and i'll look out like tattoo

[q-tip]

Okay
I am recognizing that the voice inside my head
Is urging me to be myself but never follow someone else
Because opinions are like voices
We all have a different kind
So just clean out all of your ears
These are my views and you will find that
We revolutionize over the kick and the snare
The ghetto vocalist is on a state-wide tear
Soon to be the continent and then the freakin globe
Theres room for it all as we mingle at the ball
We welcome competion cuz it doesnt make one lazy or worn
We gotta work hard, you know the damn card
Try to be the fattest is the level that we strive
Try to be the fattest also to stay alive

Todaz was a funny day. I usually don't go to mass but somehow I thought I have to check it out. Just a rash decision, really. But here I am now a changed man. The whole experience was just so cool and so refreshing. My soul feels really invigorated. The things the priest said all of a sudden made sense. We`are all loved by God and united in our love for him.
So if you want to hang out with me, meet me next Sunday at da house. It is up to you to change your lifestyle. TAGGER FOR GOD. Hallelulja