When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song
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Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris, but Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.


When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he ro

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...just type it in man!

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Opening Credits:
The Clash- Rock The Casbah

Waking Up:
Green Day- Longview

First Day At School:
Ash- Meltdown

Falling In Love:
Smashing Pumpkins-Today

Loosing Virginity:
Blink 182-First Date

Fight Song:
Smashing Pumpkins- Tarantula

Breaking Up:
Smashing Pumpkins-Disarm

Prom:
Box Car Racer- Letters To God

Life:
Queens Of The Stone Age- Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret


Mental Breakdown:
My Chemical Romance- I'm Not OK


Flashback
Ash- Jack Names The Planets

Getting Back Together:
Ash-Oh Yeah

Wedding:
Foo Fighters- Everlong(Acoustic)

Birth of Child:
Radiohead- Jigsaw Falling Into Place

Final Battle:
System Of A Down- Cigaro

Death Scene:
Queens Of The Stone Age-Song For The Dead

Funeral Song:
My Chemical Romance- Helena

End Credits:
Ash-Petrol