"You might think it impossible for a white man to pass himself off as a native soldier in John Company's army, and indeed I doubt if anyone else has ever done it. But when you've been called on to play as many parts as I have, it's a bagatelle. Why I've been a Danish Prince, a Texas slave dealer, an Arab sheik, a Cheyenne dog soldier, and a Yankee Navy Lieutenant in my time, among other things, and none of 'em was as hard to sustain as my lifetime's impersonation of a British officer and a gentleman."

"I thought Florence Nightingale a waste of good womanhood; handsome face, well set up and titted out, but with that cold don't-lay-a-lecherous-limb-on-me-my-lad look in her eye, the kind, in short, that can be all right if you're prepared to spend time and trouble making 'em cry "Roger!", but I seldom have te patience. Anywhere else I might have taken a squeeze at her, just by way of research, but a queen's drawing room cramps your style. Perhaps it's a pity I didn't, being locked up for indecent assault on a national herione couldn't have been worse than the ordeal which was to begin a few hours later"

An unjust state can be demolished and a new one built in its place?
"Unfortuneately a state is not a house; it is more like a tree. It is not built, it grows of its own accord, following the laws of nature, and it is a long business. It is not a stonemason who is required, but a gardener".

2006 Darwin Awards



Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awardsare
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here are the glorious
winners:



1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company,
expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.



3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harareto Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.



5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.



6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer: $15.



7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.



8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID, to which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."



9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.





******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted
to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best