Add A Memory, A Moment O Time, A Special Occasion Or Sout Just Completly Random That Makes You Think O Me , Minds You O Me .......

Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,aTurkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Sotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it!

THE PROMISED LAND



Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six
days.
Eventually, Gabriel the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Gabriel, look what I've made."

Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it.
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of
balance".

"Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while
Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot."

"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there Is a
continent of black people". God continued, pointing to different
countries.

And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich
and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and
friendly.

And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot
spot.
Can you see the balance?"
"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a
small country in Northern Europe, "What's that one?"

"Ah" said God. "That's Scotland, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams And
lochs of exquisite, timeless beauty. The people make a drink called
Uisge Beatha or Whisky which means "The Water of Life".

The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going
to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable,
hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the
world as warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.

Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then said: "You said there
will be BALANCE!".

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the shower of bastards I'm putting
below
them!"