SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows

* In Ontario, Canadian women can legally walk around topless
* Santa Claus lives in Canada. The North Pole lies within the boundry of Canada. Technically, he is Canadian.
* Canada invented basketball, lacrosse and hockey.
* Canada invented garbage bags in 1950 and snow blowers in 1925.
* We invented prosthetic hands, pacemakers and insulin.
* We invented goalie masks for hockey (obviously!! Our boys were loosing too many teeth!).
* Canada invented the telephone, Velcro and zippers (we’re smart!).
* The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site normally averaged about 20,000 visitors each day.
* 90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.
* It is proven that Quebec City, Canada, has about as much street crime as Disney World.
* There has been no mail delivery in Canada on Saturday for the last thirty five years.
* Canada consumes the most Kraft Diner per gallon per capita.
* Canada has the most coast line per country in the world, 202,080 km.
* Canadian Tire money is the second most frequently used currency in Canada.
* There are more donut shops per capita in Canada than anywhere else in the world. There are currently over 2,200 Tim Hortons locations.
* They invented standardised time
* They invented the canadarm (on a space shuttle)
* When the German POW's were being debriefed in the 2nd world war they consisently reported that the Canadians were the toughest & scariest soldiers in the war
* Terrance & Philip
* They invented superman
* Wolverine from x-men is Canadian
* Budmail
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* I Will add more as I become more informed *

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better".
This will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
(or if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs, they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping.
If she is says you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them...because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If youre talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special and then take her to a burning tyre yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying, and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket because then you might get cold.
Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye."

The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately.
Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny, why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! rRepeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things, like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no, shes not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it...but not a sexy cologne smell, a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. When its raining, keep asking her if shes crying. She'll say no, its just the rain. Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to "stop crying you @#%$ baby". Girls like a tough man, as I've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no.
This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.