(1) Last time your boss patted you on the back and said "Good Job", your first instict was to punch the sarky fecker in the face. So you you did.

(2) You spend more time plotting new ways to kill/torture your boss than actually working.

(3) You're fairly sure your boss spends more time plotting new ways to kill/torture YOU boss than actually working.

(4) Every time you sneeze, you can't help hoping you're developing a life-threatening disease so that you can legitmately take some time off work.

(5) You work in a call-centre.

(6) You walk past a homeless guy begging on the side of the street and can't help thinking "Lucky fecker"! At least he's his own boss, right?

(7) You have a nightmare about the bus/train/luas to work getting hijacked by terrorists, and you getting horribly killed. When you wake up and discover it was all a dream, you can't help feeling disappointed you still have to go to work..

( Last time someone asked you what you did, you accidentally answered "Space Pirate / Ninja / Superhero Vigilante" because you spend more time do that in your head than doing your actual job in real life.

(9) You knock back a double-measure of whiskey to help recover from a "tough day", then realise it's still only ten past nine in the morning.

(10) You spend more time reading/creating silly Top Ten Lists online than working.

(1)Is he a geek, computer-nerd or general outsider unable to find his place in "our" reality?

(2)Does he have any unusual birthmarks or other distinguishing features (eg tatoos, oddly shaped scars etc)

(3)Is he adopted, orphaned or living with an eccentric older relative?

(3)Does he have a unlikely group of friends (eg a cool one, a funny one, a wise old-man and a suspiciously attractive young lady) who, despite his social awkwardness, seem to regard him as their leader?

(4)Has he ever disappeared for long (or unnaturally short) periods of time, only to return with scars, bruises or other injuries he can't explain?

(5)Have YOU ever disappeared for long (or unnaturally short) periods of time, only to return with scars, bruises or other injuries you can't explain?

(6)Has he ever broken up with you "for your own protection"?

(7)Does he have a natural flair for sword-fighting, combat skills, martial arts etc?

( Does he have supernatural skills or abilities (eg telekinesis, mind control, the ability to "bend" time or reality etc)?

(9) Do seemingly random strangers ever approach him in the street and say things like "YOU! It's - it's you ....."

(10) Has he ever mentioned an arch-nemisis (or anyone with a name like Dr. Doom, Lord Mortimus, Zoltar the Destroyer, The Company etc). - possibly muttered in his sleep, or followed by a panicked look and the phrase "er, I mean, no one. No one at all. Forget I said that".

If you answered "YES" to one or more of the following questions, then it's likely your beloved is indeed The One and currently battling to save this or some other world from evil forces beyond our comprehension. Unless you only answered "Yes" to question 1 - in which case he's probably just a socially incompetant nerd!

(1) Get a tapeworm
(2) Stop breathing in (all that extra air in your lungs really adds up)
(3) Adopt a cause and go on hunger strike until It's resolved -
politics IS NOT a faddy diet.
(4) Become a celebrity. Fame burns calories - hence all the "naturally
slim" young singers/actresses/models who seem to get naturally slimmer
as their profile sky-rockets.
(5) Move to the moon
(6) Replace food with vodka (straight). An alcohol problem IS NOT a faddy diet.
(7) Chop your legs off.
( Wear lots of heavy clothes and drink loads of water. Weigh
yourself. Now take off all your clothes, pee and weigh yourself again.
See? Lighter!
(9) You can't eat if you can't buy food, so firebomb all nearby shops,
restuarants, food markets etc. Terrorism IS NOT a faddy diet!
(10) Become a couch potato. Muscle Wieghs more than fat, so stop
exercising and watch the pounds drop off.