Guys, what's 15 divided by 3?

24 hours travelling? that's like TWO days!!!

The Megabus...It's a bit like being on the Saw ride.

'Newfoundlanders smell, but don't slag them off for their big ears.'

'Please don't poke my face again, or bite me like that! sorry for doing it to you.'

'The mushrooms have gone from my bag on the top of my bebo page!!'

'I thought I'd lost my mushrooms but I hadn't. I ate them. Not the real mushrooms though, just the juice. Not the real ones. Just the juice.'

'Hello Hazel monkey feet!'

'If it was sunny every day, how would u know wot day it was?'

'half a thousand!!'

'Aye he might be tough but his t-shirt wil stil get torn!'

'ive got legs for arms!'

'stumpoid'

'Is Shug an anagram of Hugh??'

'Why is Peck called Peck?'

'I'm going to Farms Foods in the morning to get a can of worms...to fuck. Creamed rice would have a better texture.'

'I'd shag a lady boy but would never kiss the poof!'

'People orgasm when they're about drown...i'm away for a bath'

'His chin looks like an upside down chef's hat'

'Krusty Fart'

'OUCH!! I tripped over the cable...I don't know why I said it was sore. It's alright, it wasn't my left leg'

'Don't get a staffie cross whippet. It won't know it's back bum from its front head'

'I went to see Bolton play football once. They're the only team I've ever seen play.
Weren't they playing another team?
Oh yeah, I think they played in white tops, I think it was France.
Bolton wouldn't play France
Yeah but it was a friendly'

'Where are you going in that taxi?
But that's not he way to my house!'

'You can eat bananas on a Tuesday but not on a Wednesday cos it's bad for your bum'

'When I fart it bubbles in my tights. I have flatulence in my hosiery!'

'Strap your helmet on n kick you back over the wall'

'If you had to strap a chocolate bar to your fist and punch someone in the face, what would your action hero line just before you punched them be? The best ones I've heard were 'Get your ass to MARS', 'I'm tired of this topic of conversation' and 'Hey, this ain't no PICNIC'

'FIT....YOU LOOKIN.....IT!!!!!'

'It's like a sauna in my living room. The steam is ridiculous. If I got some fairy lights, my junk would look like an AC/DC concert.'

'I'm like a boy scout trying to light a fire'

'just smell smack, that's what I do'

'if you were to get plastic surgery, what wuld you get? I'd get your teeth fixed, it's like looking at a bag of hammers.'

'yes I am off the toilet, but I shit my pants.'

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.


"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"


He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.


And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!


One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.


"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.


`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question…"