Could you handle a long distance relationship?
lol from my mates ones im gunna say thats a no for me



Relationships or one night stands?
That i do or that i want?? in other words relationships are possibly more beneficial


When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
right now. and my mum. she put too much onions and spicy shit in my dinner. bitch


Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
it wouldnt surprise me!



Do you laugh a lot?
yes, and it goes semisonic and i burst dogs eardrums.



You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get?
eyebrow piercing!


You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
choices tattoed on my wrist



Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
no! ew i hate crying



In the past week, have you cried?
fuck no.



What are the things you've heard people say about you?
heathers a slut blah blah



Who did you spend your summer with last year?
Emma, and other girls and boys.


Last person you told a secret to?
Emma



What is important to you as of right now?
myself. ahahha.


Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything?
yaha


Are you listening to music right now?
my life lil wayne and the game



Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Drunk penny and emma



Is it hard for you to admit when you're wrong?
i can actually admit when im wrong. but if you try to tell me im wrong when im right ill kill you


What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
id be moving with them..we would of had to skip the country because the cops are after us


Can you play Guitar Hero?
never tried



Who was the last girl you talked to?
my sister. does she count ?


Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment?
yup.



Does anyone call you babe?
mateys and guys trying to get the keys to my chasity belt


What are you currently doing besides this?
sacrificing babies



Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
yeah heaps.



Do you miss anyone?
Alice and ella



Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
no thats far too sexual for me


What are you listening to?
didnt you just ask taht??



Is the last person you texted one of the most important people in your life?
Emma? shes iight.



If someone seriously ugly asked you if they were pretty would you lie to them?
i dont talk to ugly people...



Do you look like your sibling(s)?
i actually do, cept im better looking



What movie(s) never fail to make you cry?
i am sam, a little princess and pay it forward..


Four words to explain why you last threw up?
hungover as fuck bitch


Have you ever burned yourself?
yeaaaaaaah



What's crazy to you?
thats a gay question



Favorite cuss word:
fuck, its just so satisfying


Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
daniel, saying i had a threesome



Who is your hero?
jason gilkeson


Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
lol no thankies



Do you tell white lies?
and black ones and blue ones


When is your next party?
theres a party in my pants right now!


Who do you want to be with right now?
Emma

Your motivation for tomorrow?
emma making me lunch hopefully



Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?
no...



Last person to make you laugh?
matt when he told me rowan and tim got punched in the face last night

Last thing you ate?
rice



Do daddy long legs freak you out?
not that bad, did you know they arent spiders they are scorpians.



Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
5 second rule baby!



Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
ew no.


Do you talk baby talk?
fuck no


Would you ever work in a retirement home?
just too work with jess and penny, but other than that old people smell



Do you believe plants have feeli

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "Fuck You" and grab the other girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet... kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things...like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "No, shes not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile...then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. She'll say "No, its just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream "Stop crying you fucking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

22. Nipple twisters...and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

This story takes place in the Graham household.
Unfortunatly its all true


Heather: How do i microwave a pie?
Mum:Your an idiot-read the packet

Heather reads the packet and discovers it takes 3min 15 seconds to microwave it

(3 mins and 15 seconds later)

Heather: I burnt my goddam pie!!

Heather: Honestly mum i don't know how to cook a pie, i burnt it
Mum: How can your burn a pie?? How long did you cook it for??
Heather: 3mins 15 like the packet said
Louie: Thats for a 1000 watt microwave our microwave is 1200 watt!!!
Heather: How the fuck should i know what our microwave is!!

Heather decides to get a drink to wash the taste of burnt pie out of her mouth

Heather: Ewww the milk isn't cold enough!
(the milk had only been bought half an hour ago)
Mum: Heather do you realise how much milk you dribbled on yourself just then



i actually hate my life and my lack of talents

the end