The darkened room lay silent
while ripples of moonlight
Caught the glistening tears
I was crying in the night ~

I didn't make a sound
as I lay there in his bed
While thoughts of all the heartbreak
were running through my head.

I waited in the silence
till I knew he was asleep
At the sound of his deep breathing
then quietly I'd creep

Tiptoeing to the bathroom
I then closed the door
And turning on the shower
I slipped crying to the floor.

Though trying to wash away the filth
and pain of his touch
The memory of his "making love"
haunted me too much ~

The bruises on my body
were inflicted by the hand
He used sex as a weapon
to "make me understand".

After I had scrubbed myself
until my skin was red
Too frightened by my memories
I could not return to bed ~

So escaping down the stairs
and into the moonlight
I sat in my own solitude
in the freedom of the night.

I wondered how it felt to be safe
and not to live in fear
Of his anger and his temper
as the months rolled into years.

To a life with no more abuse,
no more anger, no more fights
I'll no longer have the bruises
like those I have tonight.

But still the painful memory
of the spiteful things he said
His anger and abuse
when he was forcing me to bed ~

The scars so much deeper
than the bruises I now bear
And the pain so much greater
than when "falling" down the stairs.

I tried to figure out a way
to rise above the pain
While I hoped that he might change
I slowly went back to bed again.

I stood in front of the mirror
dabbing make-up on my face
I cover up the bruises
and fix my hair in place ~

I stare at my reflection
with my tear-filled eyes
And I pull myself together
while silently I cry…

I walk into the kitchen
and clean up all the mess
Broken dishes scattered and crushed
like pieces of happiness ~

I quietly clean away the destruction
though I wince in pain,
I mustn't show how much he hurt me
As it will set him off again ~

I dread the time to go to bed
as the clock ticks away
I know exactly what will come next
and I know I must obey…

And while he lays there sleeping
I get up from his bed
I shower to wash away the filth
and try to clear my head.

The only time to be myself
Is in the middle of the night…
I can stop to think and cry my tears
in the shadow of the moonlight ~

I wonder what had happened
to change the guy I loved?
So full of love and promises
he was all that I dreamed of…

So as I wipe away my tears
and pull myself together
I know that it will never change
it'll be this way forever ~

And as I climb back into bed
beside the man who now brings me pain
I turn the light out in my soul
knowing he will always do it again.

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