Be careful! I only have 3 years to live and I don't want to spend them dead.

Schetlandia- its latin for sheep

Good Lord! Thats a one day moustache?

No! I don't have gay, jungle fever...

You know, that generic breast groping gesture...

Don't listen to him! He's drunk on cheese!

Emo...goth for wimps

Im not racist i just don't like jews.

...oh, THATS a ninja? I thought a ninja was like, you know - one of those turtle things

If I have a letter for you I will approach you at high speeds. Please do not flee.

Theaters in Glendale, California can show horror films only on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.

In Idaho a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.

Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.

It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma. (Think about it...)

In Lehigh, Nebraska it's against the law to sell donut holes.

Chewing gum is outlawed in Singapore because it is a means of "tainting an environment free of dirt."

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

Candy made from pieces of barrel cactus was outlawed in the U.S. in 1952 to protect the species.

Vermont, Alaska, Hawaii, and Maine are the four states in the U.S. that do not allow billboards.

Women were banned by royal decree from using hotel swimming pools in Jidda, Saudi Arabia, in 1979

Wetaskiwin, Alberta from 1917: "It's against the law to tie a male horse next to a female horse on Main Street."

In Saudi Arabia, a woman reportedly may divorce her husband if he does not keep her supplied with coffee.

In Somalia, Africa, it's been decreed illegal to carry old chewing gum stuck on the tip of your nose.

It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.

Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.

No building in DC may be taller than 13 floors. This is so that no matter where in the city you are, you can see the monument to our first president, Washington.

In Michigan it's illegal to place a skunk inside your bosses desk.

In parts of Alaska, it's illegal to feed alcohol to a moose.

Christmas was once illegal in England.

In Hartford Connecticut, it is illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.

Talking on a cellular phone while driving is against the law in Israel.

It is illegal to marry the spouse of a grandparent in Maine, Maryland, South Carolina, and Washington, DC.

If you want to take a picture of the flea who put the itches on the witch who put the scintillating stiches in the britches of the boy who put the powder on the face on the lady on the camel of the court of king caractucus well your too late! because they JUUUUUUUST PAAAAAASSED BYYYYYY!

My favourite singing kettle song

Another song

Do your ears hang low?
Do they waggle to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder like a regimental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?