1. People who point at their wrist while asking for
the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck
is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the
toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to
search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse
to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake
and eat it too". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you
can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking
after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are
they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the
cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't
really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before
it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been
something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What
can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,
"Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be
standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what
they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears,
Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is
that nice?' No it's Really revolting - I always eat stuff I
hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet.
Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand
you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are
ordering.....It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a
Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and
jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.

14. When you're involved in an accident and someone
asks 'are you all right?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick
up my limbs and be off.