Castletown was the setting for the semi-final clash between serie B's mighty champions wick groats and serie A's newly-crowned ctown. With the wick groats playin with the wind in the first half, they cruised to a 2 to zero lead from a ck and a direct fk that smshed in off the rectangular goal frame and into the netted ball stopper! The ctowners managed to scrape a goal back before the half time drinks interval without seriously threatening terry's final 3rd of the field! The whistle blew and the home side were trailing in when pencey got some words of encouragement from kevin "eric bananaman" mcgee who told him to use his banana feet in the 3rd and 4th quarters as they had his special powers!!

The 3rd quarter kicked off and dragged on, wick groats steely defence hard to breakdown, then with a bit of pires trickery, wallop, the groats rearguard defence tackler sinclair got a 2nd yellow meaning he was going back to the lockerroom for the remainder of the encounter which was a little harsh as he only made one foul in open play! A shift in formation mean that player manager stewart ross retreating to a centre-guard. Castletown stil threatened but were finding there attempted set-up play heading out into the waste backet!

Then with 15 on the timer, alan "tic-tac balls" farqhuar got the ball at the edge of the castletown semi-circle. Flicking his flowing locks back in the wind, he shifted the ball to pence who was making his way down the left side of his own half! With the groats attack struggling to closedown the fluent passing defence, pence was able to venture forward towards the groats goal. With funky fat approaching, a quick shimmy cheque back inside meant pence outwitting his opponent. Stewarty ross was closely following but a touch past him left him for a dead chicken on the road, another fake brought pence inside the field with the rectangular goalframe beckoning from 20 yards then booooooooooooooosh...........the leather nike sphere rocketed forwards, the bernabeu went silent, it seemed like forever..with a trajectory of 7 feet and the speed of 63mph that would break the limit in the honeywagon on all normal roads, the ball spun passed the helpless GK and in2 the net!!!!!

Bananaman strikes again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eruption from around the ground was like mount etna! An eric cantona jumping celebration ended with pencerrella being mobbed by his teammates (for a change) and the technical area went wild!

With the groats shell-shocked, ctown won a corner with a few on the clock. With face lik a spade whipping in a dangerous corner, spongey once again leapt lik a salmon from heaven to bundle the ball into the backet! Groats tried to force their way back but it was all in vein, as ctown recorded the win that will see them face the swifts!

Think i'll definately be eating more bananas from now on, and be borrowing ur sacred bananaman outfit kevvy, gracias lad!!! lol

In a topsy-turvy 2nd half at recreation park, thurso took the lead thru no 9 only for spade "my foot's sore, lee macdougall stamped on it, i think my toes broken" sutherland to level and no 8 to put thurso back infront. Halkirk united were in full flow throughout the 2nd half, battering the thurso vikings ship lik they were asterix and obolix! !!

16:36:49
With asa casillas luckily seeing every halkirk chance bounce off his leg or hernia, it was going to take sumthin special to draw the hosts level. A goal kick from shaunny henderson found colin "lord biy, yee smell lek a volcano" davidson in the ceentre circle, his header found gavin "nine inch nails" henderson in space. With limited options upfront, he layed the ball back to alan "stunned by soup" farqhuar, who in turn stroked the ball to baba blacksheep!! Baba stuck his rooney lik features in2 thurso's no 6 and found rambo "is karl mackenzie watching me" manson at left back!!

16:37:01
With his ginger locks fluttering in the air, boris "dya think i look sexy" anichebe looked on as rambinho sent a long ball up the flank which birdie "U can't touch this" macdonald took in his stride. George stopped, then muttered "it's hammer time" which was the signal to a deep cross in2 the area! Mikey "hiya, how are you, i'm fine" bremner and lee jeremy elder attacked the cross only for the ball to trickle off bremners left peg towards the edge of the box........

16:37:12
.......the balls revolution seemed endless until the agile left toe(the little piggy that went to market) of pencety lured the ball onto his favoured right foot!! Haha! The halkirk dugout cud sense something special was about to happen, keithy "don't see my wife, she's polish" blair willed the right-back to get a shot off on the thurso endzone frame. With time on his side, pencety took another touch with the little piggy that cried wee wee wee all the way home! Lee jeremy roared at pence to give him the ball so he cud get a shot in but this clearly wasn't a day to be taking risks!! !! Numbers 3, 4 6 and 7 were suddenly rushing out of thurso's rearguard to close-down the space but seemed to know they were doomed.....

16:37:14
...........with a fluent, aesthetically pleasing, pires-esque, instep curling thunderbolt, pencety unleashed the venom of a johnny "snakes on a plane, train and automobile" farqhuar shot. The ball looped over the onrushing defence and towards asa's right post. Using the wind judgement, the fairway of the 18-yard line and the swerve of the ball like tiger woods does in pga tour 2007, pence watched in delight as the ball curled in past the hapless asa sinclair, nestling nice and pretty into the net!! Chaaaaaaaabingooooo!!!!

16:37:16
The car-horn disco was out of control as the mighty united got their deserved equaliser!! Pencety was mobbed by his team-mates, they cudn't believe it, 2-2!! Blade "tricia's pretty hot in that fame academy" macdonald was on his feet in jubilation, gordie "think my hammstring's gone" macdonald nearly pulled his hamstring when celebratin as collie munro rushed back from the horse riding centre as a result from another hopeless attempt from no 11 bypassed seanny hendersons net and indeed penalty box!!

Carlsberg must do goals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Invergordon came to halkirk lik a tough cookie, proving very hard to crack indeed. Chances came and went for the galacticos resulting in the home support become restless and uneasy. That was until bob gunn's timepiece reached 64 minutes and 23 seconds when finally the invergordon net was filled up lik santa's sack!!

A long ball found striker sean "kindergarten cop" henstridge's chest and he took the ball down lik neil buchannan's sticky-back plastic! With his back to goal and two defenders behind him he needed a rhiana sos call, that call was answered by maurauding, running machine left-back pencety! Arriving with a box of tricks up his sleeve and two lightning fast feet, pence homed in on the ball. A defender in his wake expecting a straightforward intercepted tackle was quickly undone, left for dead infact with the flick of the left hip and shimmy to the right with pence's rudebox!! The other defender, pulled away from henstridges run, knew that danger was on the horizon so tried to quickly get something in the way. But to no avail, pence in one fluent motion managed to turn on a sixpence and almost pires-esque (wen robert was actually any good) arced the ball at pace home, into the top corner from 7 yards out past a helpless lee allan aka pies! Even if lee was not known for scoffing johnstones pies and had the body of a temple, there was no stopping the hitzelsperger thunderbolt of a drive!!! Corra scored!!!

Pence wheeled away in celebration, with the side's new goal celebration put your hands up, in full flow!! Mobbed by the relieved players, pecncety gave a gleaming smile and serenade to the home support, who wer all abliss with big beastie! "Theres only one pencety" was the chants from the davie "shadrac" nicholl stand.....chaaaabingooo!!!

Halkirk went on to win comfortably 3-1, making them remain top of the north caledonian league, on the sort of form man red are on with 11 scored and 2 conceded! What a game!! lol