A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?

Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink ...

Beer

Personality:Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella

Personality:Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda

Personality:Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach:If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Water

Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.

Personality:Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach:Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Cape Velvet

Personality:Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)

Personality:Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......


IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider

He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer

He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer

He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer

He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness

The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Water

He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that
he can still get laid

Wine

He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy

Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port

Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky

He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get
in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels

Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities
(knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila

Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

I have the best bunch of friends ever.

Marian --- "There Isn't a Friend who's More Special Than You"
That is so true. You r always there for me when i just need some1 2 talk 2 and I can tell you anything. We can sit n each other company and not b worried wat we have 2 say 2 each other. I enjoy talking and hanging out with u! We have our nites out were we just have a laugh. Remember last sat when we were out. I still cant remember wat we were laughing at (we weren't drunk). Im so delighted tat we have become friends n d last couple of years. U r my BBFL!!

Dee --- I havnt seen u n so long as ure n London but still we can have a laugh and i can tell you anything bout here. U dont judge me on what i do cause u know me for who I am and Im d same as u. I really miss hanging out with u and I cant wait to c u again. (and meet Dave)

Mel --- We become great friends over d last year and I never want to lose ure friendship. U have a wonderful personality and we have a laugh together. I felt so honored when u and mar let me b part of ure friendship. I cant wait 2 hang out with u more n d future!!!

Tara --- Well tara wat can i say bout u but u r a wonderful person with a big heart. I am so delighted I became friends with u and that u r my housemate. We can just have fun together and we get up 2 fun things together remember (thursday nites and house parties)!!!! I had one of the best weekend ever n galway at ure birthday and i thank u 4 inviting me up!!!

Orla --- I have only know you since June but i feel i know u all my life. I can tell u bout every thing and u d same with me!! We have so much n commmon it is unreal even though we disagree on a few things but were always there to listen to wat we have 2 say 2 each other! U and Lousie r both wonderful people!!! Roll on next summer!!!

Celina --- One of my fav cousin n d world tanks 4 ure advice and friendship I take everything u say to heart and look up to as u have great strength and courage!!!.

Mairead --- Ure one of my best friends, going 2 miss u like mad when ure gone away working. Looking 4ward to our hols over with u.

Ann Sully --- My Parchment Buddy - never going drinking with u again haha only messing (but it always seem to b tat when i go drinking with u I always get 2 drunk) haha no but love hanging out with u and I looking 4ward to it again n d future!!!

To Anne Saddler, Maurean, Lorriane, Celine, Catherine, Suzann, Merel etc... my girls from home. Tanks for ure friendship....

Pamela, Sheila, Alan, Barry aka (cody family) and all my other cousins u r great and i have a great time 4 all of ye!!!

To all my other friends and family, Colin, Celina, Damien, Daniel, Ann, Caroline's, Joey, Sandra S and Sandra bawn, Mary, AnnMaire, Colin, Ronan to name a few tanks for everything, ure friendship etc......

My Centra Buddy's --- Miss hanging out with ye have 2 meet up soon 4 a few drinks!!!

To my college friends --- Kevin, Amy, Emma, Clare, Mary, Mags, Helena, Shellie, Ursula, Lourda, Aidan, Alan, Sarah, Sarah, Aoife etc.. there is so many of ye thanks for d last 2 years hope our friendship last longer!!

Your Friends know you better than anyone else, from signs that may seem very small. They can tell how you fell from the sound of your voice - or when no words are spoken at all. Your friends share your feelings, Your friends keep your secrets, your friends love to celebrate, too.

1. Who are you?.......
2. Are we friends?........
3. When and how did we meet?........
4. Do you hav a crush on me?.........
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?........
6. Give me a nikname and explain why?........
7. Describe me in 1 word........
8. what was ur first impression ov me?.......
9. do u still think the same?......
10. What reminds u ov me?.....
11. If you could giv me anything wot wod it b?......
12. How well do u no me?......
13. Whens the last tym u saw me?.....
14. Eva wanted 2 tell me sumthing u couldnt?......
15. Are you goin 2 put dis on ur blog and c wot i say about u?.....