Glasgow University



A recent study conducted by Glasgow University found that the average Scotsman walks about 900 miles a year.



Another study by the Scottish Medical Association found that Scotsmen drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.



This means, on average, Scotsmen get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be Scottish!

7 degrees of blonde

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FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
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SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

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THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

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FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

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SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make
before he crossed the Delaware"

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SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

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Only 2 things in life are certain and that is death and taxes!! Or is it I was looking at my old payslips and seeing how much tax I have been paying over the years and I can only come to the conclusion that the government takes so bloody much from me because I am funding lying thieving dole frauds. I don't grudge anyone unemployment benefit if they are genuinely trying to get a job or invalidity benefit if they are genuinely unable to work but there are far to many folk in this country that sit back and let the cash roll in and do feck all for it and some of those are bloody overpaid politicians and councilors that are doing nothing to improve my county my country or my way of life. Minimum wage should be enough for a family to live on without having to get benefits. One wage coming in should be plenty for all the basics for a family second jobs etc should not be needed. How is it that so many folk on benefits have better cars houses etc than honest hard working folk. It stinks if you are pissed of paying to much tax why not shop a benefit fraudster and make the country a better place. https://secure.dwp.gov.uk/benefitfraud/ use this link and do your good deed for the day. Rant over. Have a nice day folks.