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- Profile views: 3,557
- Group created: January 2008
- Official website:
- www.firstsigns.org.uk
- Part of:
- Bebo Be Well
- Tagline
- The first place to turn to when signs of self-harm appear
- Me, Myself, and I
- FirstSigns is an online, user-led voluntary organisation, that raises awareness and provides information and support to people of all ages affected by self-harm or self-injury.
We recognise self-injury is a way of coping with distressing experiences and difficult emotions, and we encourage people to reflect on the issues behind their self-injury, and explore alternative coping mechanisms.
FirstSigns is managed and led by people with personal experience of self-injury, and we are non-judgemental, non-directional, and respectful of our members' and visitors' life experiences and perceptions.
The FirstSigns website is the centre of our vibrant community, and provides access to all our services, including our newsletter, message board and training.
We are very proud to be part of Bebo's <BeWell> project.
FirstSigns is also on Facebook and MySpace:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...
http://www.myspace.com/MyLifeSIGNS
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CBT – Addressing invalidation, criticism, feedback and self-criticism
It’s easy to lead ourselves to believe that we cannot change how we feel. Granted, it can be very difficult, but how we feel can very much depend on our thought processes and how we choose to think about things. By changing the way we think, it’s possible to change the way we feel.
Something that can severely affect the way we feel is criticism. But hurtful as it can be, criticism is an opinion, not a truth. Even feedback that is offered with love may not tell the whole story; criticism tends to be short n sharp and in no way acknowledges the complexities of the situation.
For instance, if someone were to tell you that you “don’t think of others enough”, or worse, that you are just “always selfish” it’s easy to recognise that the criticism comes because of a specific circumstance the critic is experiencing, and it in no way encompasses everything. It is a snapshot criticism, and we don’t know the motive for it, which may well be the important matter.
When people criticise others, they are often expressing their own insecurities – they are mostly talking about themselves, not you.
By choosing to think about the way you respond to criticisms, rather than just accepting them and feeling bad about them, you become empowered to take control of the effect they have on you. A great way of doing this is to actually consider your responses to the criticism.
The only way to respond is to focus on the actual criticism as one possibility amid many.
Hence, each criticism should have multiple responses; these should be written down – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) needs tools to begin with, and writing is a powerful tool.
Example Criticism
“You’re always selfish.”
Possible responses:
1. I’m not always anything, I’m not always selfish, but I can see how you might feel if you’re not getting what you want from me.
2. It’s not selfish to want what’s best for me. I can only cope with so many things, there are some things that cannot, should not and must not be a priority for me.
3. I agree that I my actions often start from what I like, enjoy and would like to see happen, but I am a thoughtful person, and I think about how things might affect others.
4. It’s not my intention to ignore your needs, but I haven’t fully understood your desires or concerns; can you tell me a little more about how you feel about this specific detail and we’ll see if we can find a win win outcome.
5. What would you like to happen next? If the two of us disagree on a point, we’ll need to talk about compromise; I don’t believe either of us means to be selfish, but each of us is entitled to our own point of view.
6. I have a responsibility to this group / project that goes beyond what I want. I’m not acting in a selfish manner; I’m acting in a way that I believe is best considering there’s no single ideal action to take. It’s my responsibility to do this, even if it’s impossible to get it 100% ‘right’ I still need to make the decision.
7. I don’t intend to be selfish, I just need to be responsible for what I do and what I feel, and you should take responsibility for what you do and what you feel, because I will not.
8. Every day I do a lot for other people, much of which doesn’t benefit me, much of which I don’t particularly want to do, so, on balance, your criticism seems to just be an attack based on your own selfish wishes. Please fuck off.
9. It hurts to be thought of as selfish – I’ll take some time to think through what you’ve said, goodbye for now.
10. It’s OK for us to disagree about a point, it’s not OK to devolve into insults.
This isn’t particularly about responding to the person, it’s about working out how you feel about the criticism.
Once you’ve worked through, in writing, all your possible responses, you can see that actually, no one knows how selfish you are; there’s no scale, no score that can t0 Comments 5 days
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FirstSigns on BBC Radio – Monday 16th Nov
Jeremy Vine will be talking to Wedge (from FirstSigns) and Jenifer (an NHS consultant nurse) about ‘assisted’ self-harm within hospitals, mental health units and long-term care establishments, whereby a person is ‘allowed’ to hurt themselves under certain circumstances, and provided with clean implements to do so.
* Monday 16th November 2009, 1pm
* BBC Radio 2 , Jeremy Vine
SadnessWe blogged a little when we noticed that the newspapers were calling it ‘assisted’ self-harm which we feel is a confusing term. No one is suggesting that health-care professionals should help a person hurt themselves, rather, we are simply saying that health-care professionals must recognise that they cannot tell a person to ‘stop‘ hurting themselves without first supporting that person to develop and learn new ways of coping with distress.
Self-injury is a valid coping mechanism, and when a person has nothing else to rely on, we should respect that the person has a right to hurt themselves, and that other people do not have a right to stop them. Other people’s care and concern should be expressed in positive support, not negative denial. Positive support includes helping a person move away from self-injurious behaviour over a period of time, learning new things to rely on, and working on the underlying issues.
We must not over-simplify this complex issue; we must focus on the underlying cause of distress and not merely the act of self-injury as a person seeks relief and release. We shouldn’t just assume this is all about cutting either – self-harm is a wide topic, and self-injury can take the form of banging and other ‘easy to do’ behaviours, so it’s not right to focus on ‘giving people razor blades’ because that’s not the whole story here.
Wedge will be saying that it’s not about being ‘allowed’ to hurt yourself, it’s about recognising that we shouldn’t tell people to ‘just stop’ before they’ve been given alternative ways of coping.
It’s a complex subject; certainly people in care need help to move away from self-harm, but forbidding people to use self-injury isn’t the only way forward.
No one is suggesting the need to hand out razor blades carte blanche. We are saying that, as a part of a written and agreed care plan with the patient, there may be times when a person hurts themselves, and that occurrence shouldn’t be punished or forbidden. No one is saying that self-injury should be an easy option, no on is saying that self-injury is the right choice; we’re saying that as a last resort, after discussion, after alternatives have been tried, after counselling, after time, after thought, after all the steps in a person’s care plan have been addressed, self-injury (and then self-care and med attention) may be a stage a person needs. The next stage would be emotional debrief, lessons learnt and counselling.
As part of a structured care plan, created with the individual for the individual, self-injury (and the reduction of reliance upon it) has to be dealt with in a positive manner, not simply denied as if it doesn’t exist.
Ingrained behaviour, habitual long-term behaviour cannot be changed on ‘Admissions Day’ – these things take time. It is wrong to dis-empower a vulnerable person and forbid them their release and relief before supporting them to make new choices.
We can leave self-harm behind; it takes time and effort, but we can make new choices for ourselves – please help us make these choices, don’t make them for us.0 Comments 19 days
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Research, happiness, statistics and lies
What is it with researchers? Why is it that every study that comes out contradicts the previous one? One month coffee is good for the heart, the next it’s bad. One year mono-unsaturates are good for you, but these days we have to avoid ‘trans-fats’ – whatever they are. More people are staying in the UK for their holidays, but more people than ever are flying…
Research research research – we need research – hard facts and data to interpret, to inform and change our behaviour. As a society, our Government, or employers, our health-care workers, need evidence to base their actions on. It makes perfect sense of course – we can’t take action based on whims – we need to know what we’re doing and why. We need to know what has the biggest impact for the buck, so we can spend money wisely and reap the best rewards. But whose statistics do we trust?
Those skin-care adverts on the tele say that 73% of women tested agreed the cream made them appear youthful. Then you read the small print and you find that they tested 35 women. What’s 73% of 35? Hmm, so basically *some* women liked this product after we gave it to them for free for a month, and some others didn’t. It’s hardly relevant to the whole country is it, when they only ask a handful of selected people.
At FirstSigns, we never claim to know how many people in the UK or in the world self-injure or self-harm. We’re asked for the stat a lot – as if knowing whether it’s 100,000 or 150,000 people will help us reach those people.
At FirstSigns, we look for better ways to support our members and help the many thousands of people who visit our websites. So yes, we sometimes ask research questions, and yes, we get statistics from these. We learn a little more about self-injury, and a little more about our members, but we don’t go around claiming that answers from 1000 people represent the country.
We know that there are no statistics that will help an individual in distress.
This isn’t a numbers game; we’re in this because we know, from the inside, how lonely and despair-filled self-injury can be.
So, is the UK happy or sad? With all the research going on all the time (and yes, 3rd year University Pyschology Students often want to study depression and self-injury) do we know if the UK is getting happier or sadder?
Read the rest of this article at: http://blog.firstsigns.org.uk/2009/1...
0 Comments 25 days
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An answerwhereas regular comments are quick and easy to use for those who tire and become bored easily of applications such as the whiteboard
Julie N 0 Replys
such artistic expression which can be shown on the whiteboard could be helpful to those who reuire a little something to keep them occupied even if it is simply...
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Comments? Whiteboard? Forum?
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Wedge B
There are certainly a lot of ways to leave your mark on a Bebo profile - which is best? What's the difference between a whiteboard comment and a Comment comment?!1 Reply 99 weeks
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I self harm and It's so hard when you really want to stop but you can't because you get so use to it as a comfort aid you forget about everything else and its the only thing you have to keep you going because deep down you want the pain to end but at the same time you dont want to really die you just want the pain to go away for a while.
there is hope guyz, i woz 13 wn i becme sick . Veri lng time 2 be in the dark place , i never knew thr was help wn i was ur age , nw i knw bwt it im getn thre THERE IS HOPE !
hi, im 40, hv selfharmd . Suicided several times, since i was 16 kept it wel hiden 4 many yrs, iv finali got the RYTE help . Its nt ezi, bt im workn on it nd finali believ in myself , i wil fight 2 live nd hopfli win my long batle wth the dark side of me.heres luv 4 awl of u *bewtiful peeps* take care of u xo
hi i'm 17. i self harm , i have attepted suicide 7 times , mmy tutors r keeping a close eye on me
I'm 18. Have had psychological problems from the age of 13. Self harmed from that age. Attempted suicide 6 times. Been hospitalised in a psychiatric hospital for 7 months to keep me safe. Am still having problems with myself.
Am losing the strength to keep going.
my brother need your guys help to stop cutting so plz help him or he's going be hospitalized for ever and i dont want that for him so plz help im scared for him ='[
We love to have our members participate and comment in FirstSigns Bebo group. Just to remind you we can not allow anything that may be triggering in any way.
Any comments with images or text that may cause others distress will be rejected.
This policy cover all our work including our website and message board over at http://firstsigns.org.uk
hi im 40, and i have cut since i was 13, and tried suicide , several times . im a borderline personality, i hate it and myself, for what i do, but theres just no stoppin sometimes. i feel absolutli empti inside and wnt to stop, its ruinin my famili, myself and evrithing i do ...
self harm is strange addiction, i thought it would my life better, it only made things worse
is that just me, or does anybody else feel that way?
i self harm
im not proud of it
but it is the only pain relief i can find that works
Have you got a cure for very sore eyes when a person is working on a LCD computer desktop from 9am to 1pm and after a while it will be 9am to 5pm and my eyes are really killing me.any ideas?
Hey! I started Cutting when I was in the 8th grade which was in 2000 and the last time I cut was about 4 yrs ago. I use to cut cause of my dads drinking and just school stuff. There's somedays when I'm feeling down I think about cutting but I know if I do it would get me back in trouble with si. I was wondering Do You Actually Ever Cured of Self Injury.. I'm not sure what do yall think.
i used to self harm when i was a teenager due to my dad being an alchoholic . he used to hit me ,my mam and mybrother.
now im 38 i amost self harmed last nite ( my ex left me in debts im trying to manage but its hard when yr on yr own to try to deal with it)
i always there in the back of my mind to self harm , how does anyone deal with it in their older yrs ??
Firstly, we need to accept that we don't know everything that's going on in his life or in their relationship. Hopefully he'll want to talk to a friend about what's stressing him out. Maybe that'll be you? People who self-harm need help and support to rely on new ways of coping, but it can be a long journey so patience and understanding is needed. We have a page and a fact sheet for guys on our main website.
ok
so heres a question im not 2sure if u can reply it
but ahhh
i know of some 1 who does harm himself
but he only does it when him & his partner have a disagreement or somethink.
or even if she dont believe him he cuts himself
its sad i dont know what 2do
what can be done?
woohoo finally found the bebo link