If I ever have my own horse, I will name it ‘Calgon’.

Then I can yell “Calgon, take me awaaaaayyyy” and it will know to break into a gallop when it hears that command.

And I would giggle every time...

Jennifer <-- knows a lot of 1970's commercials...

Amazon.com is giving a free download of Marvin Gaye's 'Let's Get It On' only on Friday (2/13/09) and Saturday (2/14/09) in honor of Valentine's Day! Click the link to access the free download: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...

And for those of us less lucky in love this Valentine's Day, enjoy the ultimate break-up song of all time, by Weird Al Yankovic. It's twisted and wrong, but it never fails to make me laugh, even on the heels of a fresh break-up. You have to love the sappy way Weird Al sings all these vile things... LOL

Sorry, no free download on this one, but you can watch the video at YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAXut...

It's a lot better if you know the lyrics:

One More Minute
Weird Al Yankovic

Aahh....

Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..)

So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)

That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you

I guess I might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pumps

Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again

Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, Darlin...

I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you

Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you

I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands
and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die...
*Squeak!*
Than spend one more minute with you

I'm gonna get hurt. I KNOW I am gonna get hurt. OK, maybe I'll get hurt. We'll see.

I'll back up - I just ordered one of these doohickies from Amazon.com: Empower em40 Bench Package (http://www.amazon.com/Empower-MP-260.... What's the problem, you wonder?

I have NO clue how to use this thing. Never in my life have I used this kind of equipment. I'm not athletic, in fact I'm kind of clumsy.

But Amazon.com just had this thing on a Lightning Deal for 64% off, which was a very affordable price, and it seemed the thing to do. I've wanted to learn how to exercise for a while, but to be perfectly honest, the idea of walking into a gym or the YMCA totally clueless as to how to use their equipment amidst a sea of people who know what they are doing is very intimidating. I'm not so much worried about being laughed at - I am the first to laugh at myself. Nope, I'm worried about pissing people off because my fitness-inept self is in the way of their regimen, slowing them down, etc.

So I'm thinking that maybe if I can do this at home, learning from the little booklet and training DVD, that maybe I can figure this thing out.

If you don't hear from me after it arrives, you'll know the worst has happened... Send flowers, will you? LOL