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• How well do you know Patrick? Wykonano: 2

• I Am a Sucker for Toilet Humor

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• If I Were...

  If I were... (pilfered from James D)If I were a planet I would be Mercury, because even it never seems to know where it's going.If I were a month I would be August, not because I'm blisteringly hot, but because if it wasn't annoying nobody would notice it was there.If I were a day of the week I would be Thursday, just a bit too late for the hump.If I were a time of day I would be 4:00am, storing up energy for a run at the unknown.If I were a sea animal I would be an urchin, minding my own business until someone stepped on me.If I were a direction I would be that way. No, the other way.If I were a piece of furniture I would be a stepladder. Occasionally useful, but hard on the shins when it's the middle of the night and you stumble into me.If I were a sin I would be lust.If I were a historical figure I would be Rasputin.If I were a liquid I would be that annoying water in your ear after a shower that you just can't get to come out.If I were a stone I would be an opal, varying based on where you come at me from.If I were a tree I would be an old oak with a rotten heart.If I were a bird I would be a magpie. What out for your shiny stuff.If I were a tool I would be that screwdriver in the drawer with a tip that works sometimes, but doesn't really fit anything.If I were a flower I would be a night-blooming jasmine, and day lilies could kiss my fragrant ass.If I were a kind of weather I would be freezing rain.If I were an animal I would be a badger. Not because I am, but because I'd like to be.If I were a color or shade I would be a shade of green that there's no Crayola match for, even in the big box with the sharpener on it.If I were an emotion I would be disbelief.If I were a vegetable I would be typing this with my tongue.If I were a sound I would be that strange noise in the distance that was either a dog howling or an escaped animal from the zoo getting its first kill in years.If I were an element I would be kryptonite.If I were a car I would be a '71 Pinto with a spoiler and nitrous.If I were a song I would be "Me Myself I" by Joan Armatrading.If I were a movie I would be directed by Kevin Smith.If I were a book I would be written by Dr. Seuss.If I were a food I would be something that didn't turn out anything like what you thought you'd ordered.If I were a place I would be overrun with tourists for a season, after which I'd be passed over for newer and more exciting places, though there'd be a small core of visitors who'd love me enough to come back every year.If I were a material I would be burlap: handy to have around but itchy as hell.If I were a taste I would be bittersweet, with extra bitter.If I were a scent I would be that smell that might be someone's fireplace, or might be the garage burning down.If I were a word I would be "mutable."If I were a body part I would be the left eyebrow.If I were a facial expression I would be quizzical.If I were a subject in school I would be creative writing.If I were a cartoon character I would be L from Death Note.If I were a shape I would be obtuse.<!--adsense--> (continue reading &aquo

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• Mixed Messages

  It's strange... On one hand, signs there's less discrimination in the world. On the other, proof that people still can't accept people who are different, and will go to great lengths to prevent their happiness for reasons I just can't comprehend.I really don't know how I feel this morning. Hopeful, sad, optimistic, and thoroughly crushed. Vindicated, resigned, proud and just a bit less impressed with humanity in general.It's a strange way to start a Wednesday.

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