I hate television, it's boring. All it is, is a boring box in your sitting room that stupid and ugly people watch all day 'cause they're too stupid and dim to do anything useful. I never ever watch T.V, and why do people call it T.V? …Only yuppies use words like that, I hate yuppies, they all have daft things like filo-stupid-faxes and carphones and wear girlie shirts and daft ties… I hate them… they should be called plopies if I had my way. And do you know what else is boring – yoghurt, all it is, is hard milk, and we all know about milk, it is completely disgusting. Do you know where milk comes from?… Boring, smelly, stupid cows that’s where! Uncle Fred my thick dad told me that and I nearly barfed…I’m never ever, ever drinking it again! I hate cows, as for dogs, they’re worse! I think they are really dumb, I mean how can they eat dog food? It’s dissssssssgusting, and another thing, do they realise how stupid they look when they stick their ugly mugs into bowls of slop that they have to eat? Hasn’t anyone ever thought of giving them a knife and fork! It’s the human beings fault, they’re all so stupid they should have been called human beans ‘cause they’re all as thick as pea soup! Oh yuk, how does anyone with any sense at all drink soup? It’s water full of old rotten vegetables and bits of hard bread found at the bottom of old toasters that they have the nerve to call croutons! I never eat vegetables, I just throw them at people...I invented a new game that you can play with fruit and veg. It’s called “Catch it in your face” and if you ever walk by my house you’d better be ready to play it!
And d’you know what, I went to the cinema the other day and it was the most boring day of my whole life…except for last Tuesday and I suppose Monday, it was pretty boring too, come to think of it so was Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, in fact all of last month was incredibly boring! Anyway at the cinema I bought six bags of popcorn, what’s the big deal with popcorn anyway? It’s like eating bits of cardboard covered in salt…and by the time I’d finished scoffing the six bags my stupid ice cream in a tub had melted so I started screaming at Uncle Fred to get me a new one but he wouldn’t ‘cause he said he was trying to watch the movie. Then everyone in the cinema told me to “sush!” Well, who do they think the are? So to teach them a lesson I kept on screaming so they’d miss all the good bits of the boring film! After I spilt my runny ice cream down some old lady’s back and stuck bits of chewing gum on some seat I was thrown out! But I don’t care ‘cause films are boring and Pinnochio probably gets used as firewood anyway. And what was worse he looked exactly like Gonzo Prendegrast from my old school, and I hate him! He’s a boring swot who actually listens to our teacher instead of making paper-aeroplanes like normal people!
Oh now, I’m going to be sick...did I accidentally mention school? I hate it! Nobody likes me in school ‘cause I hate all of them. I’d hate to have any friends ‘cause they’d all want to play with my toys and I’d give them a kick if they even asked me about them! I used to have an action man but he accidentally got run over by a truck…I wonder how he got on the dual-carriageway in the first place? Considering he had no arms or les to get him there…Ha! Ha !ha! Serves him right. He was called action man but I had to do all the actions, he just sat there looking stupid! Did I ever tell you my cousin Charlie has a sindy doll; Ha! ha! He’s a big girl’s blouse! And his brother looks like a camel, I don’t even know why I said that it’s just he’s so boring and smelly! He should use an underarm deodorant so people won’t have to walk on the other side of the road when he’s coming.
I think deodorants are stupid, if people are big smellies then there is no point trying to cover up by making their armpits smell like a b

Years Club App (Gls)
1993-1994 Cruzeiro FC 14 (12)
1994-1996 PSV Eindhoven 46 (42)
1996-1997 FC Barcelona 37 (34)
1997-2002 Internazionale 68 (49)
2002-2007 Real Madrid 98 (69)
2007-present AC Milan 12 (7)

1994–present Brazil 97 (62)

30 Spanish League Titles:
1932 1933 1954 1955 1957 1958 1961 1962 1963 1964 1965 1967 1968 1969 1972
1975 1976 1978 1979 1980 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1995 1997 2001 2003 2007

17 Spanish Cup Titles:
1905 1906 1907 1908 1917 1934 1936 1946 1947 1962 1970 1974 1975 1980 1982
1989 1993

9 European Champions Cup Titles:
1956 1957 1958 1959 1960 1966 1998 2000 2002

1 UEFA Super Cup Title:
2002

2 UEFA Cup Titles:
1985 1986

1 League Cup Title:
1985

7 Spanish Super Cup Titles:
1988 1989 1990 1993 1997 2001 2003

3 Intercontinental Cup Titles:
1960 1998 2002

2 Copa Latina Title:
1955 1956

2 Little Cup Titles:
1952 1956

18 Regional Champion Titles:
1904 1905 1906 1907 1908 1913 1916 1917 1918 1920 1922 1923 1924 1926 1927 1929 1930 1931

5 Community Trophy Titles:
1932 1933 1934 1935 1936