1. When you are dying, it is essential to sing a long and difficult song that requires incredibly capacious lungs even if you are suffering from consumption or heart disease.

2. Sometimes, when you're in love, your neighbours/local prostitutes/villagers may intrude upon you and your beloved with a noisy song and dance in 4 part harmony

3. Villagers whisper and point a lot, but are not really saying anything of interest

4. Women out number men forty five to one.

5. Eighteen year old virgins are really thirty eight year old mothers of five

6. All Americans speak with strong Oklahoma accents, even if they are from New York.

7. In France during Victor Hugos time, the French spoke English in cockney accents

8. When travelling abroad, beware !! The black hills of Dakota greatly resemble the Alps or the Scottish highlands - it can be quite confusing

9. Beware! if you were involved in the Parisian Barricades during Victor Hugos time, the Barricade revolves rather inconveniently, thus defeating the purpose

10. Women in Jail prefer to dress in leather and fishnet bondage gear

11. Dying of AIDS can inspire you to sing and dance like a lunatic

12. It is possible to be dead and have your knees bent, and walk when the light go out...

13. Dead people are capable of song and dance, but do so usually dressed in white with grey makeup

14. There will be a break for tea and coffee at approx 9 pm

15. The bells or fire engine you hear in the background have nothing to do with you : they are an echo of another realm

16. Sometimes you may forget what you were going to say, or repeat what you just said....sometimes another person will say it for you

17. Daylight and moonlight can be switched on and off, sometimes they flicker...but remember, they will always make you sweat

18. When you walk into market, into a ballroom or into Covent Garden, you should always be accompanied by at least one other person and should be engaged in a conversation about rhubarb

19. Swords are made of MDF

20. The wall is not a wall : it is a pallet from Tesco

21. Doors open backwards from time to time and are held closed by a man with a beard

22. There is a place called back stage where a guy called Packie/Paddy/Pat sits talking...don't be alarmed

23. The Difference between old men and young men is that the old ones pencil in crowsfeet and brow lines

24. When you are happy....sing

25. When you are sad.....sing

26. When in love....sing

27. When you hate someone.....sing

28. When you are angry....sing loud

29. When you think the man you've just met is really nice, but he's not...sing....marry him....sing somemore..when he is dying at your feet, and has treated you like crap for your whole married life....cradle him your arms and sing somemore...sometimes in 2 part harmony with him !!

Just have a little patience,
Still hurting from a love I lost,
I’m feeling your frustration,
but in any minute all the pain will stop,
just hold me close inside your arms tonight,
don’t be to hard on my emotion.

Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience

I really wanna start over again
I know you wanna be my salvation
The one I can always depend
I’ll try to be strong, believe me I’m trying to move on
Its complicated to understand me,

Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience yeah
Have a little patience yeah.

Cause the scares run so deep,
its been hard but I have to believe
have a little patience
have a little patience

Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience
Have a little patience

My heart is numb has no feeling
So while I’m still healing
Just try, and have a little patience

On his way home a father remembers that it's his daughter's birthday,
and she would like a Barbie.

In the toy shop he asked the salesperson, "How much are the Barbie
Dolls?"

The salesperson answered, "Which one? We have Workout Barbie for
£19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco
Barbie for
£19.95 and Divorced Barbie for £299.95"

The amazed father asked, "Why is Divorced Barbie £299.95 and the
others are only £19.95?"

The abrupt salesman answered, "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer
and One of Ken's Friends!"